I decided to go through with the surrender of fabulousdisaster.com for only one reason that I can articulate: I have spent 16 years trying to build myself up under the weight of a label. Sure, I came up with the label, but it is still a label. In the last 6 months, I have done more to fulfill my goals and dreams, under my own name, than I ever did under the Fabulous Disaster banner. In this time of change, I have decided it would be best to let this weight go. Own myself, stand up under my own name, not use a clever verbal shield.
In the interest of this, tonight, before I go into the hospital for a couple of weeks, I bought cydniey.com. And I have made very specific notes (I don't want to forget while I'm in the hospital, either due to medication, or potential zapping), regarding how it is to be designed and what Wordpress plugins are to be used with it. I have learned much from the mistakes of the current design of fabulousdiaster.com, and planning up front is crucial.
I can't take my notebook into the hospital with me. I can take a blank, solid bound journal, but will only be able to use dull golf pencils to write. So I will do that, and keep making more notes of stuff to do when I am back online again. I should have it up and running by the end of July.
Also coming in July, PunkRockHandicrafts.com. I'm done fucking about with that. I've made a substantial sale on Etsy, so things have begun. Time to set up the real site.
And, yes, I will be continuing with Punk Rat Life. I will work on the Kickstarter campaign graphics tonight, and maybe, get it started over the course of the morning.
Zenweb.net, I will keep, as it has been my email addy for 15 years, and god knows what I would have to go through to try to change that on all of the different sites I've registered on. No thank you. I will, at some ponnt I'm sure, be hit with some kind of inspiration about what to actually do with that site, besides use it as a referrer to other sites.
And that is where I am at, business/web-wise.
I just harvested my first full-grown Tahoe strain. It is sticky, the haris are plentiful and . . . pink? Pale to hot pink, kind of odd, but . . . It tastes like it is supposed to, not like burning hay, and the budlets are very sticky. I think my special treatment of this particular plant has paid off. And now I have a plan of action for future plants. I'm happy to report that all of the research I did paid off. Every decision I made seemed to benefit things. I'm glad I finally took over this process. I'm the one in the house with the free time to do it right, it was unfair of me to expect him to do it all. I'm glad I started helping and eventually adopted the project.
We're having issues with scheduling the actual check-in to the hospital. They ask that we do an initial phone assessment before coming in. Doc doesn't want to do it. Moving on. This weekend is the Electric Daisy Carnival. If you're unfamiliar, it is a three night, 500,000 person strong rave and general free for all, held on the massive tarmac of the motor speedway. It is going to be 115 degrees all weekend. These kids are going to be dehydrated, over-stimulated, drugged and heat shocked. It's a frantic weekend for Montevista. The police bring them in faster than they can be processed. And in the middle of this, I want to try to get a bed and some rest. I don't think that is going to be possible. We are looking at Monday now. No more people coming in, and the three-day holds will be running out on the first ones to break down, so beds will be opening up.
And there is the chance that with the timing, and with my hair (I'm thinking of re-applying some purple for Cabaret on Saturday), the older, nastier folks will just assume I'm a raver and leave me alone. That and the near catatonia I plan to be in should keep me relatively unmolested.
But if I see that guy who used to run the rehab, I'm going to punch him in the throat and willingly take the shot of thorazine I'll get as punishment. It will be worth it. He made me feel absolutely worthless and not good enough to be helped seriously when I was in there. And he wasn't like that with everyone, or anyone else, even. He was an ass to me in every interaction, for no reason. And under the cover of madness, if the opportunity presents itself, I will, at the very least, take the chance to tell him just what a worthless, meaningless existence he leads, and suggest that he just have a drink. Loudly. In front of as many of his co-workers as possible. I don't care if any patients are around, but a few co-workers would be nice. Not everyone can like this douche, it can't just be me that he was a shit to. I'm not that special. And that will be my fun thing in the hospital. Other than that I will behave.
I have my clothes gathered, waiting to be packed. Clothes for the heat of the unshaded patios for smoking; clothes for the chill of the a/c when not smoking. Clothes for recreational therapy. They have a couple of heavy bags, and treadmills that I can use daily. I have to gather my coloring books and some crayons, and a couple of vintage sci-fi books to read. And one of my hard-bound journals. I think I have an empty one I can take. That will cover my entertainment. They have three channels, and no news is allowed. So TV is out the window, it's all soap operas and Dr. Phil all day. Like that doesn't just make you crazier. I'm taking my flat iron, praying that they will let me use it every couple of days so I can keep my hair washed. I'm also taking my own towel and washrag. I'm not fucking around with their shit, not this time. I have to use their mouthwash and soap and shampoo, but I don't have to dry myself with a papery towel the size of a doormat. And I think that's got it covered. I don't need much, I can't take much. It should all fit in one bag. Maybe a backpack and the laptop bag. I can keep my phone, and insurance info and med info and coloring books in it so they will be easy to get to.
See? I can think clearly. At times. I have brilliant flashes of lucidity where all the rest just seems ridiculous and unreal. But it is so real. Just ask Doc. Every conversation is a mine field because he doesn't know what is going to set me off, and worse, I don't know either. But when these moments come, I run with them. I just hope I can stay clear for Cabaret. If I ended up going, and not remembering it because I was in a fugue state, I'd be sad. Even Doc is getting excited about it, and Doc doesn't get excited about ANYthing.
You know, I think I'm going to lay down for a bit now. It's been a few hours since I tried to sleep. And I have to try. They are going to confine my to my room for hours at night in the hospital. I can wander up and down the hall, but I won't be allowed to smoke or be in the day room. I have to try to get used to that now, and get some sleep while it is dark because they will be expecting me to stay up all day, as well. My whole schedule is backwards to theirs. I don't play nice with others. Especially day-dwellers.
- Thu, 20:06: Hospital Looming https://t.co/cUfETBk3Dt
- Thu, 21:15: #Sitting on the #patio, letting my #vision go #out of #focus. #Staring at the #lights. @… https://t.co/n689CwoGQt
- Fri, 00:57: #Doc and the #fire #pit. @ Mountain Vista https://t.co/OnG6euk6Qk
- Fri, 01:38: #Ew. 🐛 #Bug. #Desert #roach. #Sand roach. #Water roach. #Buggery, #bloody ROACH! @ Mountain Vista https://t.co/d9zVgONvLN
- Fri, 01:59: Ew. Bug. https://t.co/EWTAST0ElW
- Fri, 04:53: I'm Shaking, Like Wow. https://t.co/imfAU3CjqT
- Fri, 06:45: #Fruity #Pebbles & #buttered #wheat #toast w/#strawberry 🍓 #preserves. #Breakfast of the… https://t.co/FdMS6E4bgS
- Fri, 07:43: I Don’t Want Trump Assasinated - I don’t. Really. I actually want him to live a very long life, well into... https://t.co/eaOVBVA8RT
- Fri, 09:28: Punk Rock Handicrafts https://t.co/P65jfHbifz
a couple of years ago, B was bugging Doc about appropriating the garage to use as his workshop, free, of course. I balked and took over half of the garage as my studio. But the isolation out there and the fact that it is hotter than Hades, has driven me back to the livingroom, which is not ideal8 for my cleanliness thing. So, since we finally cleared out the front spare room, I figured I'd move my stuff in there for studio space. And I'll have room to keep all of my supplies in one place, and plenty of floor real estate to spread out on.
I will put my stero in there, and the superfluous computer equipment. I'm really excited about this to keep me busy while I wait for my new domain to get set up. I'm going to keep FD active while I make the transition, then have it referr all traffic to it to cydniey.con while I offer it for sale for a couple of hundred dollars, and the agreenent to have, at least a couple of email aliases that won't threaten what I have set-up.
I called, opted for the sales line, and waited for just a couple of minutes for a rep. We went over my questions, and I at first made the commitment to get a new DVR, and that was it. She asked if I knew how fast my internet speeds were, I told her. She laughed at me, and informed me that my speeds should be at least twice as fast, that my modem was out of date. Was I having any problems with my modem? Yes! Constantly having to reset the silly thing. She told me I needed to buy a new modem. Ugh, another $50 I have to find to spend.
Then she proceeded to ask me about my phone service, was I interested in a land line? Not really, I told her, we have multiple cell accounts. She said okay and let it go, and did some calculations while making small talk (yes, a customer rep who actually made small talk during the awkward silences!). She came back to me and said she understood my not wanting a phone, but with the channels and the internet service I was paying for, I could save $60 a month by getting a phone, and I would get a free modem, that they would maintain, so free upgrades. I agreed without hesitation.
So, taking into account the $40 I saved last week per month on my bill, she ultimately added $20 back to it. This is what I got:
- free Showtime and HBO for a year
- free DVR that will work in both rooms we have digital boxes
- a new digital cable box
- free modem with complete warranty and replacement/upgrades
- a new telephone number with enhanced 911 (which, we have lousy 911 service right now with the cells)
- TV caller ID
- the usual extras that come with phone service, voicemail, forwarding, caller ID, long distance, etc.
Ultimately I saved us only $20. But I tripled our cable service, and finally got him a DVR to use. And a cable box for my room, so I can start hanging out in there. I'm bored of the living room, dining room. I want to take over the side of the house towards the front. The spare room, now known as the studio, and my bedroom, I'm in the middle of rearranging it and cleaning it now. I will store some of my supplies in there, but most of them in the studio. I'm very excited about this.
And . . . .
I'M NOT GOING TO THE HOSPITAL!!!!! My doctor left a note on his desk last night before he left, authorizing them to release three weeks of samples to me today. So Doc is on his way to get my Latuda, and has ordered the Cymbalta from the pharmacy. He got my Xanax the other day. I don't have to take Risperdal today! I know it's been helping but the stuff is poison. I can't wait to be back on the Latuda. And I'm not going to the hospital. I'm going to stay home with my dog in my new studio with my new TV hookup in my room (they are coming over Sunday between 10-12), sleep in my bed, smoke my cigarettes, wear whatever clothes I want to, and use pens!!! And the coolest part is that Doc had already agreed to replace my stolen collection of Crayola markers. So, I'll be spending the weekend in the studio, and my room, working and relaxing and playing in my Doctor Who coloring book that I got from Kelli for Xmas.
What knocks me back, is that I haven't heard a word from them about it. No reason why (does it violate the terms of service? I read them, and thought I was cool). Is it not okay to hyperbolize, or editorialize? What the actual fuck? People publish much more incendiary things, I didn't even think what I wrote was that incendiary, just kind of tongue in cheek cute. And nothing happens. I can't fucking believe this. Asshats. Another supposed "bastion" where I would fit in that is an epic fail.
oh MY god.
Have you ever imagined another dog designed especially for me? Me either. But I got this "feeling" about a new dog today. I checked the shelter and they are almost giving dogs over 6 months away. So I told Doc about the feeling and he said he couldn't argue with it, so to go to the site and see if I could locate who was calling to me.
I had almost been through the entire selection of small dogs, and, BAM, there was Rose. My favorite breed, in my favorite colors,already with the name I chose 2 years ago, just in case. And only a year old, so Chewy can be the boss of her, and a female. Chewbacca is afraid of males.
Could it be any more meant-to-be?
Something came over me, causing me to sing (I don't sing) three songs and read one. Apparently, I have no fucks left to give.
I realized that when I got banned from my favorite liberal website, with my first article, within hours of posting it, and I simply didn't give a dren. I wasn't mad. I'm still confused, but I really don't care.