May 29th, 2016

2013, cyd, new

Dear Diary, I am So Confuzzled

Dear Diary,

Full disclosure, I am temporarily off my meds, as of yesterday, so I’m a bit off, my perceptions of things may not be right. Especially societal things, which I know little about. Two things are baffling me:

1.) One of the sites I had content published on is promoting said content as “their project”. While I personally don’t mind, I know I own it, I do wonder if this is normal, or something I should be concerned about. Doc is no help with this one because he has no experience in the field. Alas, neither do I. If it matters, they didn’t pay for the content, no publishing/printing rights have been signed over. It was just a casual promotional reference to my content as their project. I am conflicted, I am proud that they would think enough of it to want to claim it. On the other side, I worry. Like I said, I’m a bit off my social cues. And on that subject . . .

2.) My inquiry to the Poetry Group here in Las Vegas, for rides to events in exchange for gas money. I finally got a response, but I don’t know what to make of it. Here, see if you can help me:

“Please contact me directly through my E-Publishing email: I am organizing a writer’s poetry group in Henderson. I am in need of promotion, attendance, and yes a rotation of snacks would be great too!”

I don’t get it. I mean, I understand what she is asking. I just don’t understand why she is asking it in response to my inquiry about the rides. I am assuming she read the “used to be really active in the scene,” and my URL, and visited my site. I guess she figured I could help her out?

Not to sound crass, and this may be the lack of medication talking, but what about what I asked? What’s in it for me?

The bitter irony being, I can’t help her. I don’t have a local following (yet!), so I can’t promote her event, I have no way to get to Henderson (currently), and I have no flesh-friends, so I can’t help with attendance. Snacks, I can make snacks. sure, no problem. I’ll do that. But really, why are we talking about this when I was trying to get a ride to open-mic night? And I would ask her, but right now, I’m kind of sure that I would come off like a dick.

Do people really just have such selective reading? Is it really possible that someone could read my inquiry, simply take the information they desire for other things, and disregard completely what I am saying in pursuit of their own thing? Does she not realize how hard it was to swallow my pride in front of those tweeners and ask them for help?

Jesus Fucking Wept. I do not understand people. Is it just me? Is this because I am crazy that I see these things? Are they not really there? Does the above interaction really make perfect sense, and I am just too thick in my haze to realize it? Please, help. I don’t know what to do with this, and I don’t want to alienate anyone.