May 5th, 2016

2013, cyd, new

Dear Diary, Triumphant

Dear Diary,

I have just finished writing, editing, posting, and promoting my very first short story. It was meant to be a 1,200 word piece of flash fiction, and turned into a 4,000 word short story. I have never been able to come up with a beginning, middle and end of anything but a poem, and usually a few years in between. I am oozing with pride.

I was initially going to post the whole thing on FB, on the Circus Catimus page, as Felix’s story. What I have done is split it up, a 750 word excerpt in an open post on Patreon, linked to at all of my FB pages and my Tumblr page, with a link at the bottom of the excerpt to join my Patreon campaign to read the rest and reap the rest of the rewards. I doubt it will work, the story isn’t compelling, just cute as fuck. But I have been giving away my writing for 18 years. I should at least try to get paid something for it. I don’t mind writing for exposure, but writing for Circus Catimus exposes me to 14 people who I am already exposed to. So this seemed logical.

I talked about it at length with Doc. About whether I was being selfish, hiding my art away behind a wall of fees. I feel selfish. I feel greedy and kind of bad. I want people to read it more than I want the money. That’s the thing. There are so many things I want to release to Patrons only, but I want people to see them, more. I wanted to release Haven exclusively to Patreon Patrons, but I wanted more than 3 people to see it. It was important to me that as many people see it as possible. So I released it and had nothing for Patreon that week. I have to watch that. From now on, if I make a video for the public, I have to make one for Patrons. A better one.

They say the way to get Patrons is to make frequent open posts. So I make one once a week. I’m trying to make two, but I have to work up to it. But it isn’t making any difference because no one is going to my page. If no one goes there, it doesn’t matter how much you post, no one is reading them.

I was admonished not to stay up too late tonight. That was an hour ago. I wonder what too late is. Dawn? I think I’ll stay up until dawn. I’d like to work on my composite video for a while tonight. That’s the next thing for Patreon Patrons. They get it for two weeks before it goes public. I still don’t know if I’ll do music to it. Maybe some Beethoven. Or maybe a Mozart Requiem. The theme of the video is fairly religious/blasphemous, so some holy music is in order. And my has tons of symphonies to choose from to use on youtube.

We’re flat broke right now. It’s a weird feeling that harkens back to my childhood/teen years. I don’t like it at all. Just a few more days and we’re out of it. Just a temporary thing. I just wish it hadn’t happened. It will take us a couple of months to catch up. And it’s my birthday month. Why always May and December? Holiday months. Why always them? I can wait for my tablet, but not for long. I will be able to get it by the end of the month, which is good.

I have decided I want to do the logo for Punk Rock Handicrafts freehand. I have been through scores of Anarchy symbols and fonts and I don’t like any of them as much as I like my Anarchy symbol and block scrawl. So I will draw the logo for the cards, stickers, tags, labels and t-shirts. And maybe small bags. Small plastic bags for packaging the jewelry cards in. Maybe I can get some printed with the logo. So they can’t be reused by unscrupulous jewelers like myself.

Yeah, the later I stay up at night, the later I get up in the morning and the more likely I am to have email and FB notices that matter. So that is a bonus. When I go to bed at 1 and get up at 3 or 4, there is nothing of substance waiting for me, I have to wait for it. And now that my inbox is empty, it is so lonely in there, waiting, watching.

Speaking of PRH, here is the modified plan: I’m slowly setting up shop, behind the scenes. I will not open it before I get the logo worked out and graphics made. Some of the items that are now duplicated on Etsy will be moved over to PRH, and the prices lowered, because no fees. Plus, Patreon Patrons will get a discount, and I will have special sales from time to time. This will be a proper shop. If it takes off, I will get it its own URL for Christmas and a blog about it’s creations with scans from my sketchbook and tutorials. I bought the theme I use on this site with WordPress, so  I can use it on multiple sites and personalize it millions of ways. I hope for the eventual evolution of PRH into something more.

Speaking of all of this, I have a couple of bracelet designs in mind that will net me five bracelets to list tomorrow. Period Pride bracelets. I have to think of something to make these go viral. Well, tomorrow, I can start with my Instagram campaign, and my Twitter campaign in earnest. Maybe I’ll make a video . . . hmmmm. That would require a script. I bet if I lay down to try to sleep, I can come up with one.

Bracelet time. Got to get these out of my head and into the box.

2013, cyd, new

Dear Diary, Self Doubt Edition

Dear Diary,

Have I bitten off more than I can chew with reviving the Period Pride jewelry line? I haven’t gotten so much as a bite on it, have I just not found my feminista audience yet? It was really popular before. I sold out of stuff as fast as I could make it. It started the whole jewelry thing. I’m not completely down in the dumps, people are “favorite”-ing all of the other items in my shop, so that is a good sign. I am just wondering about the PP stuff. To me, it’s genius, who’s time has come. But we all know me.

My other source of self-doubt is ever present, just rearing its ugly head again. Website traffic. With my search engine optimization done and done and my rankings in the search engines rising week by week, my traffic has dropped from dribs and drabs to nothing at all. Now back up to one hit a day. I think I know who that one is. I am flummoxed. I am doing everything the search engine thingys are telling me to do. My assesment scores in my weekly reports are very high. My rankings are steadily rising. My traffic has bottomed out and I feel like I have wasted the last 16 years, and especially the last one.

So there’s my self-doubt.

The animals and I are having a cleaning-dance party later. We have some chores we have been ignoring, so I decided to put on some music and turn on all the lights and make it a party. It will all only take an hour, I don’t ignore things for very long, and with music and light, the animals will have more fun with the stress of the vacuum and litter box cleaning. They are like me, they don’t like change.

I had my first phone issue today. I ran out of space. I added apps to the five stores we shop at, and that put me over the top. So I had to figure out how to move the apps to the SD card, which I did figure out how to do, and did. So now I have space. Now I just have to keep from dropping it until I can get that battle case for it that I found on It’s on my wishlisht, if you want to order it for my birthday, maybe amazon will actually get it to me.

The bad news is that the phone will not take better pictures of the jewelry than the camera. The good news is, the camera is scared, and has started taking nice pictures of the jewelry. The shots I got today were great. I was really happy with them. Detail, true color, everything. Stupid camera. I just had to appeal to its feelings. Its pride.

I’m going to make a collection of my new “Happy Fun” bracelets. Brightly colored wooden beads with a silver bead in the middle. Simple. Elegant. Cheap. I’ll make ten or so of them. There are five colors and four shapes of beads, as soon as I run out of patterns to make, or silver centerpiece beads, I’ll stop. Each one will have to be photographed individually, gah. Oh well, it will make the shop look full. I have some hematite charms, I can make some “Happy Fun” necklaces, too. Cheap, colorful jewelry. That’s what people want.

I really hope that one of the three eligible people read the Felix in Barbados story today and enjoyed it. No one was tempted to spend the dollar to get the story. I’m going to post about it again.

Okay, that’s done. Plus I posted about my Tumblr blog, which I do write on occasionally. I have one follower on there. I’m like the loneliest person on Tumblr. I’ve only made a few posts over the past couple of years, but I’d be willing to ramp it up.

There is this massive murder wave happening right now here. It is tragic. Actually, just a general death wave, because motorcyclists/scooterists/pedestrians are getting mowed down in record numbers, as well. Just today there was a murder/suicide at a day care center. The people who do violence here, tend to do so in front of small children, I don’t know if it’s just because so much of the violence stems from domestic situations, or there is a certain sadistic nature to the killers. And though there have been a handful of gang and robbery related killings, most of it has been domestic violence situations that escalated before the police could be called or could get there. There are way too many guns in this city. Every white redneck with a taste for beer has a fucking automatic. “Hunting” “Liberty” You live in fucking Nevada. No where are you left more alone to do your own thing as long as you keep to yourself and don’t make a lot of noise and be stupid. And there is nothing to hunt but jack rabbits and tortoises. So shaddap and sell that thing before you shoot your wife in the face.

There is satisfaction and relief in having a finally-empty inbox. There is a feeling of loneliness and desperation in having a constantly emptying inbox. For four days, nothing but spam. 467 spam messages. Not one personal or professional message.

Wow, I’m really letting myself get down today. I think it’s time for that dance/cleaning party. I need a party, and I have a big piece of carrot cake and fresh pot of coffee waiting for me when I’m done. If that doesn’t cheer me up . . . well, of course that cheers me up, carrot cake!