?

Log in

No account? Create an account
2013, cyd, new
cydniey

Dear Diary, I Can't Stop Smiling

Dear Diary,


And it’s not just the codeine I took a half an hour ago for my cramps. It’s that Doc is asleep on the couch, last night’s home coming was great, and everything is right in my world right now. And that just makes me smile.


Doc is supposed to work today, but I think he’s going to take the day off. He is so jet lagged. The three hour difference took a couple of days to catch up to him, and now he’s got to go back to normal, and spring forward tomorrow night.


He brought up the new TV last night. I think we’re going to get it and pay cash. Fuck credit. I don’t want that mess. I’d rather just wait a couple of weeks and pay cash for it. They still deliver it free, so there’s really no down side.


Whoa, that codeine has me really fucked up. I took it on an empty stomach because I had just woken up from the pain of the cramps and took the first narcotic I could find. The good news is, the cramps are gone, or maybe I just don’t care about them anymore.


dear diaryThe sun is coming up. The house behind and to the side of us is glowing pink. It’s a white house. I’ve tried to capture it on film, against the azure of the morning sky, but it just doesn’t translate.


Since I can’t turn on the light, when the sun comes up, I plan to art. I plan to art my heart out. To get everything ready for the next step when the supplies arrive.


“A lovely live look at the Stutue of Liberty . . .” yeah, the birds were frozen in mid-air. Live shot, my ass. Unless some super villain has taken over NYC and frozen the birds in mid flight. I suppose that is always possible. I wouldn’t want to second guess the goings-on in the media, alas, no. Not me, never.


I realized that until Doc cuts him loose, B owns me. He is living, rent free, of course, in my head. I get so angry at each new lie that he tells. I so wish I had never met him. Four years we’ve known him, and for four years, he’s been a curse. And I don’t know why I let him get to me like I do. I guess it’s the protection thing because he is taking advantage of Doc, to Doc’s physical detriment, and it just infuriates me.


I have to admitt, I read his FB page. He keeps it public. I want to keep an eye on things in case he comes to Doc with some new story. For example, if he says the bike was stolen, I know from his FB page that he has had cameras on his yard, including the bikes, for the past three weeks. Other than that, everything he posts, and I mean everything, is a lie. A big, fat, stupid lie. The cops held a gun to his head because he was riding his bike at 2am; he tried to pull a woman out of a burning house; the cops have asked him to watch the neighborhood since he has the cameras, so they don’t have to. Lies, all of it. It’s so amazing, really. I don’t know who he is trying to impress. With his horrible grammar, spelling, and all around grasp of the English language, everything else is laughable, even if you don’t know him. Why would cops that want him to watch the neighborhood hold a gun to his head and falsely accuse him of something? How could he be suspected of a burglary when he was riding away from the area on a BMX? In a black neighborhood. This may be racist, but I know from experience that the white people in the ghetto get left alone when shit goes down. That is the way institutional racism works. And scrawny little white Gollum is not public enemy number one when it comes to spot IDs on the street.


That’s enough.


On to Bill O’Reilly, who just really needs to shut up. Of COURSE President Obama isn’t going to Nancy Reagan’s funeral. It is a long-standing tradition (you know tradition, Bill, you claim to love it), that the current first lady goes to the funeral of a former first lady. So Michelle will be there, as it should be. As it has been for generations. O’Reilly isn’t expressing outrage anymore, he’s just expressing ignorance. He makes himself look more inept of comprehending simple facts every time he opens his mouth. And no, I don’t watch him. I caught a story this morning in one of my liberal rags about his most recent diatribe.


Later . . .


I am ready. No, I am beyond ready. I am ready to walk away from my past. I am ready to let go of:

“When I was little, I was taught . . .”

“Growing up . . . ”

“But that person . . . ”

I am just past ready to let it all go. I took a baby step Xmas before last, and had a big holiday while breaking every family tradition I possibly could and making my own. Which I won’t follow because I will think of more ideas this year. I am tired of living according to archaic rules set down for me by people who didn’t love me. There is just no reason for it, and I’m going to stop. I am ready to step off this cliff, I have faith there is a rock just below.


In other news, it should be noted, and celebrated that I made it a week on my own with the help of two people across the country from me. Lilliane and Kelli, I couldn’t have done it without you both. Also let it be noted, I don’t ever want it to happen again. When Doc goes back, Kelli is coming out. And I am so glad for that.


We got a TV. But we’re going to return it and order the one on special sale online instead. I don’t like the picture and the unit (heehee) is too small. So we’re getting a 40″, for a few dollars more. And the one we are getting is a known brand. Unlike this one. But Doc wanted to bring me a TV home, and he did that. And I can actually see the picture, and I have purple and green back. And I am so happy, and this will be fine until the other one gets here Thursday.


I’m watching the Chicago Trump non-Rally debacle on Rachel Maddow. I have words, but they are pointless. This is going to keep escalating, and no one can envision what is going to ultimately happen. It’s sad, really. These Trumpbots think that they are the majority of America, thanks to Trump’s constant skewing of the truth. It all makes me sick, really. I can believe this is happening, but I don’t want to. This is the thing I always said would happen to our society, it would eat itself alive. And that is what is happening. I’m just going to go on like nothing is happening.


Doc and I always have our plan to emigrate to Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. They just legalized the growing of one’s own marijuana. I am really starting to like Canada. My only concern is medical care, but going to the mainland for treatment once every three months doesn’t seem like such a sacrifice. I can get my meds through the mail. I will adapt to the cold. But if Trump gains any sort of power in the political landscape of America, we are out of here. I mentioned it to Doc today, who I didn’t think was taking it very seriously, but he mentioned inheritance for the first time. I didn’t ask for more details. But at least he is keeping Cape Breton in mind. By the way, they have also made it easier to bring your pets, more paperwork, less quarantine. They so want new people in there. And I could dig a quaint village setting with a garden full of pot. And seafood. I can learn to love it.


Chris Matthews just interviewed Trump on the phone and let him get away with EVERY one of his lies. Where are the reporters? The real journalists? Why didn’t Rachel interview him, is he afraid of her, too? And Matthews is so two faced that he will be ranting about the lies told the next time he has a chance. He’s such a pussy.


So when do people start shooting protesters at Trump rallies with sniper rifles? I mean, it’s just a matter of time, right? Ugh