Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

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114 pages, damn

i just realized that i have a whole new volume of work to get to know. all poems written on here over the years for safe keeping. they aren't just a little pile of them, there's over a hundred. and i don't know it at all. if i could i'd get it printed out, but now i'm content to scan the pages in Word. i kind of just dismissed it as a few crappy poems i had forgotten because they weren't memorable. but they are. i've found a few i absolutely love. i even found another to put into the manuscript. and i'm not even really into it yet, page 20. this work is more open and crass and reflective of me than "stop poking me lady". more reflective of me now. poking was very me for the time it was written. but the stuff since then has really seemed to reflect what i was feeling and couldn't say. or didn't bother to say. that's why i write. so i can say things i don't dare or don't have the free time to.

i'm just kind of shocked at myself for writing that much and having so much of it so far be right on. i make little corrections. i read them out loud. i still don't punctuate like i should. even though i prefer the spoken, i should give the reader a clue if i'm going to publish the stuff. there are even pieces i want to try to publish outside of my career. just for the ego boost.

i'm in shock. really i am. all the things i could be thinking about and i'm totally focused on this new body of work in front of me. a totally unexpected gift from myself over four years.

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