December 2nd, 2015

2013, cyd, new

A Special Kind of Hell

I forget that the bars don’t close here.

Yes, we went to the shrink today. Yes, we took the bus. At 8 in the morning. You’d think we’d get a break from the “people” at that hour, just have commuters . . . yeah. No. Really drunk, really angry, really loud man. Cydnieys really scared. Doc tucked me into a seat and sat guard.

That awkward feeling when you finally get a Krispe Kreme and it makes you horribly sick. *runstothebathroomtothrowupmorecoffee*

I loved that doughnut. It had sprinkles. It’s hurtin’ me bad. Bacteria dancing through my gut, goose marching on my intestines. The gloves only work if you change them from time to time. Ugh.

So, Doctor B. still denies me the stimulants, and explained why he will forever deny me stimulants. They manufacture more dopamine. More dopamine = more psychosis. I happen to have a lot of psychosis. As far as the cognitive symptoms, he would look into it further, but he felt once I stopped Seroquel (more on that in a second), my cognitive functioning would improve. Okay, the Seroquel. Yes, I am meant to double the Latuda to the max dose, and wean myself slowly off the Seroquel over the next few weeks (while he’s out of town, and I am driving a loaner Doctor). He also feels once I stop the Seroquel, the weight will melt off. I am not so confident, and told him I give him three months. The last time I stopped Seroquel the weight melted off, so . . .

That’s my psychiatric update. Topomax now gets taken with the Latuda, since I’m getting the munchies on it, and according to listed side effects, the opposite should be true. We’re still looking for a substitute for Cymbalta. Doctor B. has nothing right now, except an newer one, that most likely won’t be covered, either. I have to call tomorrow, and find out if the prescription company is dumping the generic of Cymbalta as well as the brand, or just the brand. Even the generic is expensive, so I’m not holding out hope. I’m also going to see if the drug company has any kind of helper program to pay for it like with the Latuda.


2013, cyd, new

I Guess I'm Staying Up All Night

I took a nap as soon as Doc left. Woke up at midnight. Now I’m watching “The Year Without a Santa Claus” (which, of course you remember, wasn’t, Santa got up off his ass and did his thing at the end), on ABC Family. In the middle of the night. Who knew?

This is day one without news. Doc had Rachel Maddow on for about twenty minutes earlier, I ignored her. It was hard, and it hurt, but I did it. I skimmed headlines on Facebook, but didn’t read any articles. I read a couple of opinion pieces, but on things I already knew about.

Whoa! 1 in the morning and “Rudolph’s Shiny New Year” is on! The Baby New Year is missing! Go, ABC Family! This is way better than news!

Okay, I told you all about my med changes . . . I’m really excited about them, I don’t think I conveyed that. Getting off Seroquel permanently is not something I ever thought possible. And I fought off the weight gain for a good year and a half, two years. I know Doctor B is right, and it will come off once I stop the Seroquel. It slows my metabolism. It hordes calories. And it leaves me with no energy. I walked a about a mile today, and it nearly killed me. For shame. I’ve never been in “good” shape. But never this bad.

I need to make my 350 calories (he said something about taking it twice a day, I laughed at him, fighting the calorie war twice a day would require a far stronger sedative to keep me from killing people), every day and take the Latuda regularly so I can slowly quit the Seroquel. He’s got me on a 6 week near-complete withdrawal schedule. I will keep a hundred mg. to sleep. By spring I will be skinny again. Whew.

Whoa, I don’t know this particular Xmas special. They are traveling across the Sands of Time on a camel with a clock in his hump. And by “they”, I mean, Rudolph, and a Russian (?) official with a clock in his belly. Now they are at a Russian looking casltle, chatting up Father Time. It seems the Baby New Year ran away. He had really big ears, and got teased, so he wasn’t happy. Of course today, we would call that bullying. And The Baby New Year would be suing Father Time for not stopping it instead of running around the Sands of Time.

Wow, these kid’s shows got really complicated. Rudolph’s on a damn quest now. Where are the Hobbits? Complete with mid-century up-beat choral singing to jazzy music. “Turn back the years . . . ” Tra la la. This is cool. And it’s not just what we got from the dispensary.

Though, that is good. Doc splurged and got some Indonesian strain that is an impossible color. Even with my tolerance, two hits, and I can’t remember the names of the cats. So I had one hit when I woke up an hour ago and I’m still kind of really fucked up. But that can’t be the only reason this kids special is weird. I’m going to have to find it and watch it sober later. It seems to have a really complicated mythology to it. One that I am completely unfamiliar with. I don’t know any New Year’s myths at all. Oooh, there’s something I can learn!

I made the peanut butter/nutella crescent rolls I saw on Pinterest. Complete Pinterest win. I didn’t get pictures because Doc smelled them from the front of the house where he was working in the spare bedroom, rushed to the kitchen and burned his mouth pretty thoroughly on one, and I got caught up in that and forgot the pictures entirely. They were pretty boring looking. I didn’t drizzle anything on top or anything. All the goodness was inside.

Now Rudolph is being sung to by a caveman and a chorus line of dinosaurs. I am so confused.

The dinosaurs have children’s voices. I am disoriented.

December 2, no movement on the dining room table. Some loose talk over the weekend about it. I mentioned I needed it cleared for cookie rolling out to make the ornaments for the little tree, not just wanted it cleared for the xmas tree to be next to (I want the table cleaned off because it will be in pictures of the tree, and because the Doctor Who nativity scene will be on the table so Teeny doesn’t eat it).  And the little tree won’t do because Doc’s main present, his Kickstarter stuff, is in a huge box, needs a big tree to be kind of under.

My second pair of boots came today. I ended up getting two because, discounts you wouldn’t believe, and because the first pair turned out to not be that practical, as they come up over my knees and I own all boot cut jeans, not skinny jeans. So I got some low boots. They are great. They smell so good. Raw leather. Mmmmmm. They fit nicely. The back of the heel might be a little troublesome, so I’m going to be proactive and just duct tape those now. I don’t have a full length mirror, on purpose, so I can’t see what they look like on me. They’ll look great with my black plaid clearance pajama pants from Old Navy I got on Cyber Monday. I also got an umber top, 4XL, so it will be really big on me, it was a clearance item left over from summer, so I can wear a long sleeve black shirt under it, it’s some lacy, Stevie Nicks thing. I had to make up the $50 for free shipping and with the discount thing I had, it was $3 or something like that. So I just got it. At least I didn’t get it in pink. That would have been dire.