November 28th, 2015

2013, cyd, new

Turn off the News

Turn off the news. What would you do with a friend who willingly lied to your face on a daily, hourly basis, and then tried to sell you stuff? You’d kick them to the curb. Anyone would, and rightly so.

But we “rely” on the news. And every day we turn our channel on and get our information. But we’re not getting information. We’re getting infotainmemt. And as such, it has no obligation to the truth.

And it isn’t a matter of “liberal” or “conservative” news. They are all lying. They are all giving Trump free campaign publicity, knowingly. They, the news networks, are orchestrating a Trump presidency. Even MSNBC. Why? To get Trump elected. MSNBC needs an enemy for ratings. A Trump presidency would give them 4 years of something to rant about and get ratings with and sell you more stuff with.

The news networks don’t care about you, or me. They don’t care about informing, or truth. They care about the bottom line, and if there was ever any doubt, this election cycle should pretty much cement it. Everyone, regardless of political leaning, is giving free time to complete morons because it gets more people outraged, and then they watch more, and then of course, they buy more.

You are nothing to them. We are nothing to them. Stop watching the news. It’s making you stupid. It’s holding you back. No, there is no other centralized way of getting information, but think about it, do you really need to know about the latest mass shooting? It’s the same old story. White conservative Christian male opens fire on someone. No one is to blame because he is white and Christian. Do you really need to hear that again? You don’t. Look up the weather and traffic online and leave the news off. You’ll be happier for it, more well adjusted, and just not as sad.

2013, cyd, new

I Can't Think of a Title Right Now

I feel a change in my thinking. And I don’t know if it’s Trump/mass shooting burnout, or if it’s the poor way I have been medicating myself.

See, the last four days have been kind of chaotic. And I’ve not been sleeping or eating, my default position when other things need to be taken care of. And I have to take some of my meds with food, or they are not effective. Then there’s the “green” meds, which I ran out of over the holiday, and between working 16 overtime hours (at triple time because of the holiday, we’ll get Doc on a flight home by Valentine’s day), and the dispensaries being closed for the holiday, I was going kind of nuts. And, the lack of the food-demanding Latuda, and a severe cut-back on Seroquel because it makes me sleep, and as I said, I’m not sleeping. It’s on purpose. I’m having nightmares. Horrible terrors. Hallucinations are under control. The Shadow People are not here, there is no Weeping Angel in the corner of the dining room, and the kitchen is delightfully Smurf-free. So that’s cool. It’s just the R.E.M. sleep that kills me. Over and over again.

And I have to admit that my paranoia is about at Code Orange. I’m falling victim to my own conspiracy theory. The GOP, aka, the ignorant masses, are all rabidly listening to a man who wants to “tag” and “track” Muslims because they are dangerous, in their eyes. Okay, here is where my logic takes a flying leap, so try to stay with me. These mass shootings keep happening during the campaign. They are going to have to respond to it eventually. And they won’t change the gun laws. And Trump has already said that we don’t have a gun problem, we have a mentally ill problem. Not a “mental illness” problem, or epidemic. but a “mentally ill” problem. He put it solidly on the shoulders of the ill, not the illness. So what is to stop him from proposing that we tag and track the mentally ill? Or round them all up?

No, he’s not president, and he can’t make policy. But his rallies have become pep rallies for hate and scapegoating. And we have already seen that there are plenty of vigilantes out there, ready to “help” Trump’s cause by brutalizing those Trump names as “enemy”. Everyone in this neighborhood knows I am mentally ill. In spite of my constant sunny reports on how cool this neighborhood is (it really is!), there are people who would do me harm. Or my house, since you can’t get into it and since the Doctor’s appointment, my paranoia has taken over and I refuse to leave the cover of the garage.

So that is where my irrational fear is coming from right now. And it is very tangible. Usually my paranoia is hard to nail down, hard to identify the cause of. Not this time. It’s like a pile of cinderblocks surrounding me, but not keeping me safe. Just weighing me down. I am really scared of this man and what he can incite.

And I keep having thoughts of god. Not one of many gods, but GOD. And it’s weird. This would not be the time for me to start believing in him, as he would be the one letting Trump run free.

So, yeah, back to the regular medication regimen. I have to get into the mood to eat. If I force myself I’ll just throw up the food and the medication and waste it all. This is the expensive med, I can’t afford to waste them.

So, I’m taking a mental health day. I did manage to get some substantial back end work done on the site, and new areas will be going live soon. But I don’t see me working on it today. I just want to curl up with the queue of cats waiting for this keyboard to not be on my lap so they can be. The dog has left me for a sleeping Doc. That’s okay, I haz kitties. Traitorous canine.

I need to go stuff cigarettes now. I have a never ending nicotine fit because of the Sudafed I took to make my nose stop creating one drop of snot to drip every five minutes. I couldn’t take blowing my nose anymore. No more drips, but bad nicotine craving. Like my illness doesn’t make me crave them enough.