January 5th, 2015

2013, cyd, new

goodnight

Gah! I smell! I just took a shower and I smell like the Jersey Shore at low tide. I hate having my period. Doc assures me I don't smell, but I can smell it. And I hate it. I want to get sweaty to overpower it.

I'm hypersensitive right now. While we tried to keep in step with the pharmacy company's complicated dance, I had to take a reduced dose of Seroquel for three or four days. It always amazes me how fast both the positive and negative symptoms come back. This time, masked by PMS. My only real clue were the visual and auditory hallucinations. My mind seems to like making me think that someone is knocking on the sliding glass door to the back. So I've been keeping the security gate closed and locked on it. And the light is on in the hallway to keep the shadow man away.

Brian Glicklich isn't responding to my tweets. I think he muted me. Not as definitive as a block, but enough not to have to deal with me. Pity, though, I was at my snarkiest today.

I've been posting old pictures on the tweeter, so you might want to check out the tweets with image links. "Enigma" is my favorite. I love the way it turned out. And I never liked that picture before. There will be an influx of older pictures. I found my photo box. Literally in the last untouched place since we moved in. In a corner of the mudroom with boxes full of kitchen stuff we don't miss and empty boxes. I dug it out on a hunch and found my colored paper stash and my photo box. I ended up with 175 digital images. I have to go through and edit out ex-girlfriends and rapists and family members. Honestly, one that I posted from Mardi Gras featured a guy who is serving a life sentence for a series of brutal rapes over the course of several nights, he drove down with my GF and I and even stayed in the same hotel room, it was all her idea. He didn't turn into a rapist until a few months after Mardi Gras. When I knew him, he was just another abuse survivor and brother to me. The cool thing about the pic that I posted was that after I was done messing with it in Photoshop, his face was pretty much obscured by lack of light (he has very dark skin), so it isn't obvious I blurred him out.