May 6th, 2014

2013, cyd, new

i'm not subhuman

Poor Chewy. Doc is bringing home Benadryl for him. we didn't have any. i've been washing his paws, and that seems to distract him for a while, he runs around and seems happy. but he's not getting a lot of rest. he can't sleep from the licking.

oh, wow, a shooting up the street. where B and his wife are moving. i would go to florida, were i them. we live in a nice enough neighborhood, for its age. but not far from here is non-stop ghetto. i'm glad doc was at work this morning and not out.

the more i think about my shrink, and the shoddy way he treated me last time, the madder i get. who is he to interrogate me why i've come in after only a month? he made the appointment. and he's getting paid, isn't he? fuck him. he's going to do what i want with my treatment and not give me any more shit, or i'm going to make life extra hard for him. i'm already getting even with the ignorant bitch receptionist and her bedazzled sweatsuit by having my records faxed there and not mailed. it's 5 years of records. that fax machine will be busy all day. so she can just go screw. and if he doesn't even look at it before i come in next, i'm taking it to a higher level and complaining to medicare. i'm not taking this shit from another doctor. i deserve and am willing to pay for treatment, i'm not getting treated like shit for it.

that's it. that's what has been bugging me since last week. i didn't speak up for myself and i've been regretting it ever since. i didn't speak up for my care. i didn't take doc in with me to help me and i didn't do it on my own. and it's been haunting me since then. and as i lay with Chewy during the half an hour of sleep he managed to get this morning, i realized it.

oh, now he's itching his head. poor puppy.

so i don't know if i feel better or not. i feel better that i know what is up with me. i feel bad because there is nothing i can do about it for 6 weeks.

oh, wow, and there is a big bridge fire out by someone who i used to know in california. that sucks. i hope he's not trapped in traffic.

not a slow news day.

yeah, that doctor needs to be humbled. you don't treat patients like that. especially if they are so bad off they can't even speak for themselves. maybe that's why he was a dick, because doc wasn't in the room and he felt like he could get away with it. well, he can't. i'm going in with a fucking attitude next time. and the first question i'm asking is if he's looked at my records. if he says no, i will inquire what the hourly rate is for a doctor who gives a shit. i will not be treated this way, i don't care if i'm on medicare. i'm not subhuman.
2013, cyd, new

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2013, cyd, new

i wasn't stoned growing up

people are freaking out politically because the big money people in town have taken notice of the year's activities in Colorado and decided they are suddenly no longer against legalizing marijuana. all of a sudden they think the medical marijuana thing is a good idea and are throwing their money behind it. it's only a matter of time before it's recreationly legal here. Hell, with the makers of Marlboro getting into making marijuana cigarettes, it's just a matter of time before smoking it is compulsory. i kid. no one is going to make you inject lines of pot.

the dog has disappeared. i'm hoping he's in doc's room. he didn't get out, so far as i know. i fed Brian Setzer, so the door was open for a minute, but Chewy hates Brian Setzer and would have stopped to bark at him if he'd gotten out. i think. We're having a hard time getting the benadryl into him, but that's mainly doc being stubborn more than it is Chewy's fault. if it was doc's hands itching, he wouldn't be so hard headed.

i'm in that annoying crying mood again. Simon just curled up next to me for the first time in three days and I started crying. The news show was surprising people with paying for their groceries, and I cried.

at least doc and i have already had our fight about weed, so we don't need to do that again before he leaves. he gave me two days worth and i smoked it all in one day. so i got the, "What's up? What's going on? What's wrong?" that there is no satisfactory answer for. i hate that. i hate being cornered like that. i wasn't going to ask him for more, what does he care that i have to go a day without it? why taunt me about it? he doesn't really care what's upp with me. he just cares about the money. and that i'm a cunt without it, according to him. i guess that'ss why my family doesn't love me, i wasn't stoned growing up.