March 23rd, 2014

2013, cyd, new

h

it is my normal inclination, at times like this, to crawl inside of myself and only reach out with anger. I'm going to try to do it differently this time.

i feel . . . distracted was how doc put it. i am outside of my body, floating at the ceiling, everything i do. i can't sleep, my dreams turned completely psychotic and they wake me up. so i just lie still with the dog.

the voices are here. and they scare me as they never have before. these two years of silence gave me a false sense of complacency.

i take it back, i can't put any of this stuff down. it comes too fast and stays too briefly, as with all my thoughts right now.