March 23rd, 2014

2013, cyd, new


it is my normal inclination, at times like this, to crawl inside of myself and only reach out with anger. I'm going to try to do it differently this time.

i feel . . . distracted was how doc put it. i am outside of my body, floating at the ceiling, everything i do. i can't sleep, my dreams turned completely psychotic and they wake me up. so i just lie still with the dog.

the voices are here. and they scare me as they never have before. these two years of silence gave me a false sense of complacency.

i take it back, i can't put any of this stuff down. it comes too fast and stays too briefly, as with all my thoughts right now.