March 13th, 2014

2013, cyd, new

pffft

people on facespace are too judgy. my tweets go automatically to my facespace wall. i get comments from facespace in my email. so i knew there was a comment, i haven't been there, i swear. so i made a post about cocaine, and got this judgy comment back about it. it was a joke. people take shit way too seriously.

i've spent way too much time in contact with McAfee support in the last 12 hours to still have this pop-up issue with the stupid software. i got straight-up blown off by the last tech i talked to, and i was really nice to her. bitch. i am a complete racist and sexist, and all around bigot, when i called the support line and got a woman with a thick southern accent and a Master degree in ebonics, my heart sank about getting my problem solved with that call. but i was really nice and positive anyway and she just blew me off, didn't even listen to my problem, just told me to download and reinstall the software and she would call me back, which she never did. cunt. i don't even want to try a third time.

let's see if doc is in a better mood today. yesterday sucked. after the catharsis of cleaning for an hour, i wasn't mad at him anymore. so when he got home, i was all cheery. then there was a stupid misunderstanding over food and walking the dog and i don't know. i don't communicate. i don't use full sentences or full thoughts. he wants each and every move and feeling logged and overanalyzed before it happens. so i went to bed. then he went out and got me food and walked the dog. i don't understand why there had to be an hour of pain if the results are the same. then it was just a non-stop litany of what was wrong with me, what i did wrong. fuck all of that. i called him a jerk. we didn't speak for two hours that we sat here, and then he went to bed.

and when i woke him up, he pissed me off again. i woke him at 11:15, warning. His time to get up is 11:30. i go in then and wake him up, tell him second warning because he has been wanting 5 more minutes, so i thought i would anticipate that. each time i go to get him, i know i sound lazy, but i have to walk all the way to the other end of the fucking house to do it. and i'm usually busy working and having animals piled on me while i work. so i go in the third time and he tells me, "five more minutes". i snapped. i told him to do whatever he wanted, i wasn't coming back to wake him up again.

things just kept going that way until he left. i didn't even tell him to have a good night.

then i went to eat my leftover sandwich, a french dip, only to discover that when he said he thought i already ate both sandwiches because he didn't look, and used some of my au jus, he had used almost all of it. there wasn't enough for my sandwich. he's not home, so i flipped out again. and he fucking messed the kitchen all up. he's turned into a fucking teenager, he's driving me crazy.

we got paid today and have to pay all of our bills at once. if we have any money left over i'm going to get a photobook made, i'm going to take my time and do it really nicely. i have a code for half off. so i can do it really nicely. pick my best photos for it, from over the last six years. that's not all that many photos to choose from. i'll use about 100.

his w2 never came, and he is convinced that it was stolen (when none of our other mail has been) because i leave the mail in the box overnight. Who the christ has 24 hour surveillance on us that would know i don't pick up my mail until morning? what is his deal?

he's also started this thing where i start talking and he just says, flatly, "i don't care", or "i don't want to hear it". and it really stings when he says this to me. i mean, it's mean, you know what i mean? so i've been doing it back to him, and wow, does he hate it. he really hates to be dismissed, even though he does it to me all the time.

i've been trying to talk to him about something personal and very close to me. it's not anything gross, or TMI, or traumatic, i just need to vent about something and maybe get a fresh perspective, which i really respect him for giving me, usually. but he's shot me down every time i've brought it up. so not only is my head reeling from this issue, but i can't really deal with it without him and he's being a butthead. i don't know what his deal is.

i think i'm going to go move some furniture around, i'm feeling restless.
2013, cyd, new

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