February 23rd, 2014

2013, cyd, new

I continue to raid the online dating scene with my marriedness

i joined OKcupid. POF just wasn't getting me any responses, so I went with a bigger site. In the second line of my profile I state, "I don't text", because I don't. My phone just has a number pad, so texting is problematic and not something that I enjoy. Since adding that, I've gotten three guys telling me I'm pretty, that I have a great profile and they want to text me. I also mention in my profile that I hate stupid people. And I'm not pulling any punches. I'm weeding these guys right out, thanking them for not actually reading my profile and then lying about it and wasting my time. Thanking them for their time not spent. Lying bastards. I'm pretty? What part about the missing teeth is pretty? I even have one of my Ricky Gervais Bath pics up there . . . What's a Ricky Gervais Bath pic?

Why, it's when you go into the bath, make yourself scary/silly and take a head shot selfie. Here, I'll show you mine:

He never published it, he never publishes girl Bath Pics, I'm starting to think he's a sexist. I thought my bath pic was especially funny because of the missing teeth, Ricky has even taking to blacking his teeth out in his Bath Pics. But, no, he didn't post it. Fucker. How dare he not let me publicize my weakness and own it, right? Because it is all about me, right? Actually he probably didn't post it because he knows the internet is a cruel place and it just would have opened this strange American girl up to ridicule. In which case, he is a very nice guy.

Okay, so that picture is in with my profile pictures. It's on the first page of pictures, not obscured, right there for anyone to see. And the part where it says "Something people notice first about me . . .", I mention the missing teeth. It's chasing people away in droves. Only the guys who don't bother to read beyond the "Bi-female, 44" are messaging me. This is a curious experiment.

And if I had a nickel for every guy who called me "Dear", what are you, 70? My dad and my Papa called me Dear. Whatever, total turn off. And I'm just looking for friends, unless it's a girl. I don't want to be talked down to. It's pretty easy to see why some of these guys are on here, they have no clue how to have a conversation with a woman. Why do people have to be so complicated?

It's time to go hit the comments section on allpoetry. I have to earn this week's Gold Membership. I have a fresh pot of coffee and a brain that hasn't seen poetry for 36 hours. I'm ready.
2013, cyd, new

cheer me up

WooHoo!! Doc bought a 14" chainsaw. I can't wait to learn how to use it and take down the ratty palm trees and make them pretty again. There is this giant hardware shop here, I don't know what it is called. But they have dollar sales and free coupons for stuff. I got a set of clamps for free. And doc is getting me a pair of paint brushes for the chairs outside. He's also getting a shovel. Wow. We really are house dwellers now. We have power tools and outdoor tools. I hope we never have to go back to an apartment.

I'm still not over my misery from earlier. It MUST be PMS. I can't think of any other reason I would be in this mood. I even scrubbed the kitchen, though it didn't need it, to make myself feel better. It worked for a while. Then I stuffed a pack and a half of cigarettes for the day/night. Then I vacuumed and did the litter boxes. Now I'm out of things to do and he won't be home for another hour. I just want to cuddle up with him and the animals and cry.

We haven't been getting along. We haven't been fighting, but we have been speaking to each other in short, terse bursts. The snark index is high in here this weekend. I don't know why. He is worried about me, but again, i don't know why. My eating is erratic, as usual. My sleep is good. What he should be concerned about is getting me a doctor.

It's been a year since I saw a shrink. I've been living off stored/old/someone else's medication. I'm running out. I have about two weeks worth of anti-psychotics. I'll press him to get me the HR number today. Worst case scenario, I run out of meds and flip out a little and spend a couple days at the loony bin. I will leave stabilized and with a prescription for my meds in my hand and referrals to shrinks. My whole problem is that I can't have a shrink in network under my insurance. I've just been through it. There are none within a 20 mile radius of here that are accepting new patients. My old shrink moved his office 30 miles away. Gas for the big-ass truck is just too expensive, considering we are paying out of pocket for the appointment. Also, if I go into the hospital, I won't have to interview with the SSA psychiatrist this year, they will use the report from the hospital. That saves a trip across town and a day Doc has to take off work.

Doc is bringing spanikopita home. I'll eat that. Hopefully he is bringing cola home, too.

I'm in no good mood to read poetry. Maybe I'll try anyway. Maybe there will be good stuff and it will cheer me up.