December 25th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

the passive aggressive is strong with this clan

i thought it would be a day of xmas carols, but it was a day of Bowie.

i messaged my mom (i'm out of minutes, not allowed to call with doc's phone because of caller ID, and tired of trying) on facespace and told her i'd been trying to get in touch with them but i guess it wasn't meant to be. she messages me back. was it a "sorry" for being elusive and rude? an invitation to come over and get the things? no, it was a few simple words, "Nana will be here until the 3rd." PIFFLE! She knows i want nothing more in the family area than to see my nana. i haven't seen her for 20 or more years. so now i have to figure out some way to communicate with them without my phone and try and see my nana with a reluctant doc. THEY SUCCEEDED IN MAKING ME HATE THE FUCKING HOLIDAY. again. 7 words and being impossible to get in touch with, and they've trashed it. fuckers.

i have to try and get beyond this. i come from scum. the magic that is my nana and papa skipped a generation, maybe two, i'm not too sure about me. my parents are fuckers and always have been and, apparently, always will be. i just want to see my nana. if we had something other than the truck i would try to arrange to pick her up and kidnap her for a couple of hours, which would be the only way i'd get to spend quality time with her. but putting her two new knees and new hip into the truck with her attached would be hard. it's a climb-up-into-it kind of truck. it's a big truck.

man, i'm really upset about this. it happened while i was making dinner and i didn't really have time to think about it. then we ate and then doc cleaned up while we talked and then i was so stuffed i had to go to sleep. i've been up for an hour now and it's really bugging me. i'm on the verge of tears here, with frustration. why did i even have to contact my mom about the ornaments? why?? i could have just avoided them like i do every year. but no, i had to get involved with them. nothing with them is ever simple.

okay, it's christmas day. i have a bunch of cookies to eat and presents to open. i think i'll ask doc to make waffles and sausages for breakfast. i'm in the mood for a big breakfast, and he'll be up in a couple of hours. we'll eat around 6 or so. then he has to make his xmas deliveries, because no one was home yesterday. and then he has to sleep for work. i don't have time for all this other shit. i'll spend a couple hours in the studio today. i can envision the boxes i want to work on today.
2013, cyd, new

Merry Christmas!!

so many presents!! i made out like a bandit! Thank you Cryo and Lilliane for the FABU quiche pan and delicious socks i don't dare wear because they are just too cute! Thank you seaivy for the wonderful ornament. doc said "why is santa's nose funny?" and i had to tell him because it wasn't santa it was a snowman. he's so thick sometimes. Thank you Tech Fairy for the delicious goodies.

and then there's Kelli. she is a flawless gift giver to me. we got Bedbugs, the game (yeah, i know, very funny), toys for the cats, toys for the dog, candy and cookies. and a new beanie hat for me and stripey gloves. the cats are all playing in the wrapping paper with their new toys. Chewy is whipping the shit out of the little stuffed skunk she sent. he's afraid of the squeaky sheep she sent him, we don't know why.

doc is making waffles and sausages for breakfast. we talked to his mom. oh, the guilt. we've not been back since we moved out here and i know they blame me for taking him away from them. this year he will work out a trip. his dad wouldn't even talk to him. i talked to his mom. she's so funny. she doesn't believe in "crazy", so she doesn't know how to handle me. so she is very careful until i act normal for a bit, then she slips into her mom routine. they got my card. she was impressed i got my shit together enough to send out cards this year.

now for breakfast, a bit of rest, and some painting. then doc goes out to play santa and i will record some more poems. i tried last night while he was sleeping but i was too self conscious. then he goes to sleep at 4 and to work at 12:30.

he pointed out i have until the 3rd to see my nana, so i can go after the holidays and avoid any of that crap surrounding it. and i'll have more minutes on the first, so maybe i can call them then. i'll try to message my mom in the meantime.
2013, cyd, new

have a Merry Fucking Christmas!

pretty soon here, doc and i are going to go play santa. he was going to do it alone, but in the interest of not getting sucked in somewhere, he's taking the crazy chick and the dog and keeping us in the truck, hehe. i'm just glad we had enough to give something.

i've managed, and doc has managed, not to fall into any fits of melancholy. i'm proud of us.

i'm waiting to get hungry again so i can dig into that mac and cheese. we had honey butter leftover so i will heat up some cornbread, too. nom nom.


Chewy photobombs my present haul picture.

those are all my presents, behind the crazed dog. he was high on catnip at the time, silly thing.

time to put on my santa hat and get on the road.

have a Merry Fucking Christmas!
2013, cyd, new

play acting is never easy

we went and took our gifts around. and got one very nasty one back. when we pulled up to N's house, there was a crowd. The whole Family was over, including The Boys, who were in town for the holiday. and no one had invited doc. in fact, they had gone out of their way not to invite doc. he had no idea anything was going on over there. they tried to make it up by saying "go ahead, go inside," but wow. what a bunch of pricks. i felt so bad. those were doc's friends. why would they do him so wrong? fuckers.

then we went over to B's. which was a pleasant visit. he was in a positive mood for the first time since i met him. R loved his dinosaurs and his movie. and J loved the picture of Bagira. and everybody liked the cookies. and i got hugged more than i want to think about. we took Chewy over so we couldn't stay long. we had to get back for the Doctor Who xmas special (awesome) but didn't want to say that. so we took the dog.

we never made leftovers for dinner. instead, a healthy alternative. i got a soda at the corner store while we were out, and when i got home, put a plate of cookies out on the table. we grazed and watched Doctor Who. Well, i watched half of it, then i fell asleep. i was really tired. i'm sure doc was, too. we did nap together today, but not long. and we've both been up since 2:30 am.

i have my space heater on. i don't know if it's cold in here, or just in me. i was fine curled up in the quilt a few minutes ago, but now that i'm out of it, i'm Freezing.

gotta remind doc to get cat food and C batteries on the way home tomorrow. batteries for my Bedbugs game, and cat food so i don't get my ankles chewed up.

i guess we're going to have quiche for new year's eve dinner. doc is off new year's, same situation as today. can enjoy the eve, but the day of he has to go to sleep to work. but he still technically has the day off on new year's. it's complicated. but fair. and paid. we just have to pay attention to it to work around it.

i still can't believe that about the Family. i can understand them not accepting me, but to do doc like that. fucking pathetic. so i guess the Boys just looked him up at thansgiving to get the plates to the truck back. god, what losers. a more loyal friend you will never have than doc. he pissed away holidays for them. he did stuff i can't even talk about. but he's done right by them. he doesn't deserve this. he deserves way better. i wish i could get him friend's he deserves for xmas.

i got him a wife who almost deserves him. i've been so much better the past couple of months. he's even looking forward to celebrating our anniversary. i haven't made any plans for that night. i'm hoping he takes it off, he will have paid discretionary time then and it won't hurt us financially.

time to wake him up for work. have a nice night.