December 22nd, 2013

2013, cyd, new

does he secretly listen to Beyonce?

i have to see about listening to british pop radio on the internet. surely there is a place i can. every week, Graham Norton has a different singer on that i usually have not heard of, and i love it. and it has hit me that i would probably like british radio since i like everyone he has on the show. maybe i'll like radio better.

my dad's an old radio man. he used to DJ at a country rock station in the late 70's-early 80's. down the hall there was a heavy metal station. guess where i hung out. i used to hang out in the darkened booth and line up records to be played based on their cover design. the ones i thought looked cool got played. that was my 10 year old philosophy.

it got up to 65 today, and i spent no time in the studio. i made cookies, again. tomorrow, hopefully he will go to the store and i will be able to make the rest of the goodies and finish my gifts to N's family (i am giving him something i made to keep the kids busy so he and his missus can get some peace xmas day), and to B and the fam.

i've been trying to call my shiftless father all week to set up a time to get the ornaments. he is elusive, to say the very least. i give up. i don't want the ornaments badly enough to keep frustrating myself chasing them down. fuck that, i'm over that. i'm past their games of power. fuck them. even after all they've been through they are still the same secretive, lying, manipulative wastes of flesh they used to be. nothing has changed. how do you lose all but one of your children and remain the same pig headed twat you always were? i guess the three ghosts just didn't appear to them.

i saw a version of a Christmas Carol today with Patrick Stewart. God i love that man. it was no Muppet version, but it was good. he makes a good Scrooge. i recognized some of the other people in it but i couldn't name them.

all day i've been snuffly, and have been unable to regulate my body temperature. doc said the "s" word . . . was i? no i am not getting sick. i have no time to get sick.

i got a package from Georgia today, i know who that's from, Thank you Lilliane (and Cryo!)! doc wouldn't let me shake it. he told me to wrap it and put it under the tree.

when i do my ebay sales, i let ebay estimate the postage, and by using them , i get a discount on it. pretty good deal, don't have to think, save money. but it low-balled me on my last sale. when i packed up the toy, i could only find a priority box, and it was $14 to ship it, instead of the dollar something the person had been charged, i panicked. then i spied a box of net lights i had just found and stuffed the toy in that box and priced it out. a dollar something. perfect. ack. i'm not set up for this shipping stuff. i thought i was, i've been saving small boxes for 10 years in anticipation of this.

gah! it is so hard to exercise control! i'm used to ripping packages open when i get them, birthday or xmas. now i have three packages under my tree with mystery stuff in them and i can't do anything about it. damn my promises to myself! that will make wednesday all the sweeter. got to get to the dollar store and get some stocking stuffers for doc. i'm not sure what i'll get him, i'll look in the hardware aisle and i'm sure i'll find something. i've got to wrap the two CDs that are already in his stocking. i'll leave the speakers hooked up to the laptop and we can listen to Ani Difranco and Fugazi all holiday long.

what is happening to me? now i like the new Justin Timberlake, i'm watching on SNL and i love it (the first song, with the green lasers). and earlier i was talking about british pop. am i mellowing? did this happen to Rollins? does he secretly listen to Beyonce?

i took a shower in doc's bathroom, kind of nice. doc's bathroom is the only one with a proper shower. i have a big bathtub with a hand shower attachment on the faucet. but the walls are painted, not tiled so when i shower in there, i have to squat down. usually i don't mind, and in the winter i take a bath every day as well, but i felt like taking a standing up shower. it felt good. my hair is finally clean. i need to dye the roots. i hate being in love with myself blonde. it's so bad for my hair. and the straigtening . . . no good. but i don't do that as much any more, since i've learned to tame my curls into waves.

wow, it seems like everyone has a cologne out. i want to sniff Gaga's, but i don't think i'll be tempted to buy it. the last cologne i bought was CK Be. actually, i didn't buy it, i got it as an xmas gift from doc the first year we were together. a few years ago, a friend gave me some Black Orchid by Tom Ford. i love that stuff, but it's strong. i sprayed it on in the bathroom one day and the bathroom stunk the whole day. it was awful. i haven't worn cologne since then. i prefer to stink.

doc is asleep but i miss him.

we have to get rid of the love seat. and i don't want to part with it. it has too many corners and creases and the bed bugs are in there and we can't get them out. every time we think we've gotten them all, i lay on it and get covered with bugs. okay, not covered, there were three on me, but that's enough. blood sucking vermin.
2013, cyd, new

after January 4th, sure, but not until then.

the celebration continued today with a nice dinner at the dining room table. you have to understand, we haven't had a table to eat on for 14 years. and when we got one, it was immediately covered with doc's stuff. he cleared it off for thanksgiving and today we used it again. we had a nice dinner with whole wheat 4 cheese tortellini and garlic bread with salad. doc had a salad. i ate some off his plate. i won't commit to a whole salad myself unless it's a Caesar.

i'm not making fudge and candied nuts this year. with the purchase of the paints, we really didn't have the money to get the supplies. so i'll make candy for Valentine's day. i don't like packaged chocolates and neither does doc (except truffles!) so the candy will be well recieved. and maybe i can find some heart tins or something to give some away. so instead, i'm making chocolate chip cookies, which i might put chocolate into, and chocolate chip raisin oatmeal cookies. that will complete my cookie making.

tomorrow night we are going to the Ethel M Chocolates Cactus Garden. some may remember i went last year and had many good pictures of the fairy light wrapped cacti. this place makes me so happy. when i get there, i go into a happiness fugue state where i am only capable of gaping and taking pictures. it is up to doc to steer and propel me. last year there were a lot of people so i raced through it. tomorrow i'm anticipating no one being there, so i will take it slow. i'm going to make the most awesome video footage and make a video with it to one of my poems. it will be great!

then, xmas eve, doc is playing Santa to R and to N's kids. taking over baked goods and gifts. i'm sorry i won't get to be there to see it, but i trust doc. maybe i'll send him with the camera to get R's reaction to the dinosaurs. then i can frame that picture for J for mother's day. see, i could keep this going indefinitely.

i feel good about my gift giving. i'm glad i decided to do it. usually we don't have anyone to give presents to. this year is nice. i got to send a big package of goodies to kelli and i get to make a few kids happy. i like that. plus i know that our friends will have plenty to watch and entertain themselves with over xmas day.

i guess doc's taking the truck to work. he's not getting up for his "bike" time, so i'll get him up for his "truck" time. he didn't go to bed until late, i'll let him sleep another hour. poor baby has two days off this week. tuesday and wednesday. so we might do the BBQ rib spectacular on xmas eve instead of day because we'll have more time to enjoy it, then we can make the quiche the main meal for xmas. that sounds about right.

i'm letting doc pick out the quiche filling and he is giving me no clues what he's going to pick. the only no-nos are mushrooms and olives. i think he's going to go for a spinach and feta, because we have frozen spinach in the freezer and he has a coupon for Feta cheese. maybe he'll surprise me with broccoli for a cheddar quiche, but i don't think he will.

why am i so cold? it's only 46 outside, not exactly cold. i'm on the couch, perched on the edge, with the laptop on the coffee table and the space heater on the floor in between. so i'm hunched over it and it is blasting hot air at me and it isn't enough! *sniffle* i am NOT getting sick. after January 4th, sure, but not until then.