December 15th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

time for a cigareet.

wow, i just goggled myself and looked at the images that came up. there are some old ones of Kasey in there. but there's nothing i am embarrassed by.

i'm typing to "Artpop". i didn't know i could type with rhythm with one hand. hearkens back to my piano playing days.

doc disappeared about 20 minutes ago. how long before i go check on him?

later . . .

he came back. he was grumpy all day. he's asleep now. blessedly. hopefully tomorrow, things will work out with the scooter. oh, haven't i kept you up on things? well . . .

B was supposed to come over Friday morning and be home by two. his visit involved he and doc taking the truck (sigh) to his storage unit to get an air compressor for his screwdriver or something. ack. he called at 11:30 and said he'd leave his house at noon. he then called at 2 and said he wouldn't be making it over, he'd be over tomorrow. here's where i should add that B doesn't get along with his neighbors, the younger set of which think he's a pussy for driving around on a scooter and the older set upset that he rides around on a scooter with his four year old son on it. so anyway, a few weeks ago, the mirrors on J's bike were shattered by some one. but apparently Thursday, somone vandalized his scooter and it wouldn't run. so he says in a message to doc, "i had no way to get the kid over". excuse me? the "kid"? and who would be watching this kid while doc and B are out getting air compressors and working on the scooter? not me, brother. i don't do kids. i have had this talk with B. i'm schizophrenic, with more issues than an airport news stand, i don't do kids. i cannot be trusted to keep my cool. ESPECIALLY with a child who doesn't understand "no" and has been taught that physical conflict is the way to settle things. i would skin a kid like that within an hour.

that may sound harsh. maybe not, coming from me. but it is the honest-to-gods-truth. i will NOT be roped into caring for a child. that is not me. i have gone to great lengths and expense to remain child-free, for a very good reason that has nothing to do with me being selfish (though that is the first ten reasons) - i am too prone to lose my shit. and i feel children should know their place. i did, god damn it. and i expect it now.

and who exactly is B to just assume that i would watch the kid? i have my own shit to do. that time of day is my most active. since it's warm, i've been in the studio. i have infinite amounts of work to do to get it set up. so many boxes to go through, unpack, repack. but i'm always busy at that time of day. and even if i'm not. how dare he?

and doc's grumpiness was because his bike didn't get fixed and he couldn't go run errands today. we kind of need groceries, and we have money now to pay for them. and the cats need soft food. so this is all B's fault.

hopefully he'll come over later today, or doc will rope D into driving about with him. D doesn't mind, i smoke my really good humbolt county stuff with him. i keep the homegrown hydroponic to myself. i have a dying strain right now from a small local grow.

two of their plants died out of nowhere in the middle of bloom. it was sad. so many hairy underformed buds. and like i said, it was a dying strain. and it was a favorite of mine. Lemon Thai. *sigh* so, since i loved it so much and had trimmed back the plants much earlier in their cycle and taken pictures of them and named them, i got the poor young buds in exchange for a batch of my famous brownies. i made the brownies with the trimmings from the plant. i hope they are enjoyed. it was a sad end to the plant, but i smoke it alone or with doc and burn incense and thank whatever miracle of natural science brought it to me.

smoking weed isn't just a compulsory thing for me. i do it for medical reasons, sure, but i have learned to enjoy the different strains and the plant itself through all of it's phases. someday, when i have my medical card secured, i'll have a tiny grow of my own, a couple of plants in my closet. a nice, simple, clean hydroponic setup. that's the only way i've really been taught. i've been around for outdoor grows and soil grows, but i haven't really paid attention until they got me into the hydroponics. it's like mixing cocktails for the plants. the formulas tell the plants what to do, along with the lights. veg, grow, bloom . . . and moving the light up and into the orange range out of the blue. and regulating the light and temp, like controlling a cake in a convection oven. it's fun.

enough of that. i get carried away. there's this big hunk of my life i can't talk about. i hate it. once i have my medical card, i'll be able to apply it personally to me instead of those i know. and it will be different then, i will be willing to talk about it more. i'll be the one taking any heat. not anyone else.

time for a cigareet.