December 13th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

my faith in humanity . . . restored.

i'm feeling better now. hours and hours of xmas music will do that. or make you crazy, but i'm already crazy, where is there to go?

i did the dishes and cleaned the litter boxes and got the mail. no xmas cards yet. i guess it's too early. i'm doing mine today and sending them out tomorrow. Friday the 13th. heh. and i'm going to watch Nightmare Before Christmas. in fact, i'm going to download that, i only have it on VHS. then i can burn it for kelli for xmas and give her another movie to watch with Peyton.

hmm . . . i want hot chocolate. i should put that on the shopping list. i'll talk it over with doc and see if he will drink it, too.

i still haven't come up with an xmas dinner. we may have to put it off til new year's/our anniversary. which is fine by me because that gives me more time to think. i'd be happy with quiche muffins and pan fried salmon and maybe some fresh green beans almondine. that sounds nice. i can make an apple pie, or buy a bakeable one. he likes apple pie and we've done everything i like. except the cake, that was all him. i baked it, he did the rest. it's all about him, he likes yellow cake.

i forgot he has to deal with the scooter today, so he won't be home until afternoon. bummer. actually, no. i'm still not happy with him. he can stay away for a while. that's fine. let him get the scooter sorted. i'm zen with that.

later . . .

last night as doc was walking his scooter to work from where it had broken down, a guy in a van, we'll call him D, pulled over and inquired if doc needed help. he said yes, of course. then D offered to help get the bike home in the morning. doc thought that was cool of him, but likely wouldn't happen. then he was surprised when he was pissing around after work, when D called him. he then picked doc up, put the scooter in the van, and took doc to walmart for cat food. then they came here. D is a really nice guy. i hung out with them for a couple of hours until i started having a panic attack (stanger in the house - ack!) and went to take a bath. D stayed for another hour or so, doc said. doc gave him money for helping, but the guy gave most of it back. just kept enough for a gallon or so of gas.

how is that for cool?

and B comes over tomorrow (while i will be working in the studio) to fix the bike. doc said he wasn't being as annoying today as usual. good. maybe he can keep that calm tomorrow. i don't even want to deal with him. ugh.

Major is meowing at me, while that is not unusual, i feel like indulging his neediness, so i'm gonna go pet him. have a nice night!
2013, cyd, new

okay, it's friday

doc will be home from work in 4 hours.

we talked about the sleeping thing and worked it out. he thought i was saying that instead of sleeping, i was laying, thinking. but i said that in trying to sleep, i was laying, thinking. so he said "ooooohhhhhh" in that way he has. and it was settled.

he has a new friend. he was funny yesterday. you have to understand, doc doesn't talk in social situations. he really doesn't talk. he comes from a long line of stoic men, his dad is a Korean War Vet, no more stoic than that. it's one reason we get along so much. i talked a lot when we met. i don't anymore, i'm more like him now. so he doesn't talk. and yesterday, the three hours i spent with he and D, he didn't shut up. i have never heard him go on like that. that he clicked with this guy on a man level was obvious. and for D's part, he listened intently and commented and stayed engaged. doc's kind of fascinating when he goes on, he explains minutiae of things that you just wouldn't believe. so dog has a new friend, and doesn't just have to rely on B or the family (or what's left of it, we found out it's kind of fallen apart, jail, relocation, what have you) for companionship. or me. he needs outside friends to keep his sanity.

the cable went out yesterday, so in a gut reaction, he called the number and paid it. bad decision. we found a bill later that said we had another 10 days to pay it, and now we can afford basic groceries and tobacco for the week and nothing else. no one is getting any xmas presents, cards it is. i did my xmas cards yesterday. of course i wasted an envelope, i put "Mom and Dad Buffers" on it, and he got all bent, wanted to know why i didn't use their names. because this is more personal, fool. whatever, i trashed the envelope and did another one with their given names on it, but he still balked, i don't know why. D was here, we couldn't go into it. whatever, so his parents aren't getting a card. whatever. my parents are getting a card.

he does that with his parents. he keeps them at such a distance. i asked him once, if his mom would like one of those Shutterfly photo books of the cats and the house and us to see what life is like here. he didn't want me to do it at all. didn't even consider if she'd like it or not, just said no. so i made one and sent it to kelli's mom, my other mom, and she loved it! i think doc's mom would have loved it, too. but he won't let me. i'm going to try again when they offer me another photo book after the holidays. i can make a nice big one for her for mother's day. we're sporatic with gifts and cards, at best. mainly because we don't usually have a marked calendar hanging up. so holidays always catch us by surprise. but i think she would like seeing what her son's life is like now in photos. and she's never been here, i could put pictures of the city in there, too. it would be great. i'm thinking of making one for my mom, and i don't even like her . . . much.

it's going to be so weird to see them. i have to set it up for sunday. doc said he would do it and he has changed the subject every time i've brought up when. and xmas is coming. i want those ornaments on the tree, so i can take pictures of it. grrr. i wrapped some presents, japanese crockery for doc and his seat cover for the truck i bought him. the tree looks so much better with them under it. i'm going to find more boxes to wrap, just to put them under there. it looks so nice and homey. D said that the tree looked "classy", that we had some nice ornaments on it. i was proud and puffed up at that.

wow, i just held that note along with Karen Carpenter. cool. okay, i cracked a little at the end. i'll never be a singer, but it doesn't stop me from trying. i know i sound horrible, i used to solo in the choir and act in musicals, now i can't carry a note. but i enjoy singing. it makes me happy.

you tube suggested another couple of songs for the song list. i don't know if i gave you guys the link for it: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLfqVRJTyeGXC2mHO3QdjNmx1iS4EpRX-n. 65 xmas carols. yes, some are repeated, but you won't mind, they're not close to each other. it's amazing how many xmas carols there are once you start thinking about it, then you add in modern classics like "Marshmallow World" and "Santa Claus" by Harry Connik Jr.

isn't it about time they start playing "Holiday Inn" and "White Christmas" and "It's a Wonderful Life"? must i download EVERYthing i want to see? what is the point of cable? i can always see Law and bloody Order. i hate that show. it has taken the place of NCIS on USA and yes, i would prefer to watch the same 9 seasons of NCIS forever. even though i have them all on my computer. heh. i ask again, what is the point of cable? hell, we can't even get ours to work. half the time the package that includes BBC America is out, and On Demand hasn't worked since we moved in. even though we've had service calls where they get it to work with a new box. as soon as they leave, it doesn't work anymore. now that we're paid on that, we can call them back out here. we pay some $130 for cable, and though that includes internet, that is a bit much for shit that doesn't work.

we wanted to change plans, to make it cheaper. but we have to either stick with our grandfathered plan as it is, or pick a bundle, which involves a phone service that i don't want. when they offer free US long distance, i will be interested. now it costs me the same as my cell phone, which is obnoxious. it's obnoxious that my phone costs that much to refill it, beyond the 250 free minutes i get per month. i have one of those safety phones, for emergency use, type of thing, provided free. refilling it gets expensive.