December 6th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

i really hope my mom comes up with some stuff for me

it never did warm up enough today for doc to let me out into the studio. he's on his don't-let-cyd-get-sick mission of the year. so i'm not allowed outside below 55 and out in the studio below 50. i will thank him for it when i'm not writhing on the couch in a fever induced delirium. but i wanted to get the lamps and stereo set up today. the lamps will warm the space a little. the stereo will keep me company. but no. instead, frost had to form on doc's scooter. ack!

i have to take more pictures of the tree and print them out. once i explained the photo tree with lights to doc, he was really into the idea. i have to get a close-up of the top of the tree while i'm at it.

the outside cats are going stir crazy. bagira actually went out and he is telling me how much he regrets it now as he weaves in and out of my legs, trying to warm his fur. Felix and Evie have stayed in. and they are getting aggro with everything. Felix even fought with me when i was sleeping on the couch, i would go to roll over and he would growl and hiss at me. the piss.

tomorrow is xmas cards and present wrapping. i'm actually wrapping boxes that i've already given doc to make under the tree look fuller. i'm telling you, i'm going all out. i really hope my mom comes up with some stuff for me.
2013, cyd, new

i could start writing porn again

the heater has been going almost non-stop. it's 25 glorious degrees out. the cats are not allowed out. i doubt the dog will run away today. i'll be damned if i'm taking him for a walk in this. even in his sweater, he will be too cold. i don't have any boots for him.

the cats just want to curl up on the couch and cuddle with me and the dog. i woke up to four of them on me, a new record. Felix, of course, was closest to my face, up in it all curled up with his head under my chin.

the snow will be a great photography opportunity. i hope it snows here. if it's going to be this cold, it may as well fucking snow. i don't have to go out in it.

i've turned the heat up to 76. from 73. just for a while, i'm chilly.

doc didn't take the truck last night, he took the scooter, so he's got to drive home in this cold. i don't envy him.

tonight is First Friday. i don't want to go. too cold. no fun. i'll stay home and watch Farscape on Netflix.

i'm not sad for Nelson Mandela. the man deserves a rest. he lived a long and full life. he experienced things we never will and it made him a person we will never be. i'm sorry to lose his sainted presence in this world, it is indeed a colder place today without him, but i'm not sad. if i were in South Africa i would be dancing in the streets with the crowds celebrating his life. they know how to mourn. i tell you what.

the people in this valley are so sick. i've never seen so many not guilty pleas. people who are caught dead to rights, and they plea not guilty. they lengthen the misery for victims of the crimes. it disgusts me.

then again i know a person who was arrested for DUI, and who is pleading not guilty and claiming he wasn't driving because there were no witnesses. he could have killed someone, and this is his Third DUI, so it's not like it was an accident. of course this is B, which may explain to some of you why i hate him so much. most of the antipathy stems from his DUI case. that he is lying and thinks he's going to get away with it infuriates me. he should be a man and take the jail time. and he will get away with it, too. because no witnesses. he was thrown from the bike when he crashed, so the police can't prove that he was the one driving the bike. fucker. and he'll just go out and do it again. he takes his 4 year old son riding on the front of his scooter with him. in traffic. he crashed one day with the kid on the scooter and posted about it on facespace, after a serious parenting fail backlash, he took the post down. he is too stupid to live. and yet he does. he's a REPUBLICAN on WELFARE. ack!

time to think of something else. i think i'll call doc and leave a voicemail telling him i love him.

our huge fight earlier this week has led us to great reflection. it has also led us to treat each other more tenderly. i don't mind the fighting so much because it is getting rarer and because we learn things about ourselves and each other every time we do it.

aaaaahhhhhhh! it's cold. the cold is creeping in through the huge windows and crawling over my legs. i'm thinking of putting another pair of leggings on. it's almost time for a sweater. i'm still rocking a short sleeved tshirt. my room is . . . a mess. all of the furniture is still in the center of the floor. we are happy sleeping on the couches, no point in putting my room back together, i've lost interest in it. it's not a safe haven anymore, it's a bug infested hell hole. i did everything i could to keep it neat and organized and clean and i still got bugs. i don't even want to go in there to get my clothes any more.

cookies today. it's friday, i can relax. the rent got paid. we have $20 for milk and tobacco until next friday. actually i can pull another $20 out of my savings if i have to. so we have $40. we almost didn't make rent. doc took too many days off. he doesn't take them to stay with me anymore, or he doesn't tell himself it's for me. it never was. i will ask him to stay home if i'm having a particularly bad night, but he will do his own thing and sleep while he's home, it doesn't do me any good. it just stresses me out more. now at least he's being honest with himself about why he's staying home. he's going to work overtime this weekend to make up for the two days off he took this week. i want to have enough money that xmas dinner doesn't make us broke. and my stuff on ebay is just not selling.

i have no way of making more money. i'm trying. i publish my own books. i've published my poetry on a pay to download site. i can't do anything else. i could start writing porn again. *sigh*
2013, cyd, new

fresh fish

i found my cookie cutters! and i located a bitchen sugar cookie recipe. i'm making those next friday, with snickerdoodles and chocolate mint truffle crackle cookies. then i'm doing something cool with them. today i'm making mint m&m cookies. toll house chocolate chip base recipe. just adding the ms instead of chips. i have to wait on the snickerdoodles because i'm trying to get doc to help me do the fiddly stuff with them and he is resistant so far. once we get into making a bunch of kinds, he will get into it.

just like the other day when i asked if he would help with xmas decorations and he got all reluctant and copped an attitude. i gave him thumbtacks, tinsel and pointed to a wall. the rest was up to him. when he was done, he said, "thank you, that wasn't bad at all." of course then we went into the garage and got into the huge fight. but it started out good.

so far for xmas dinner we have settled on two quiches . . . so of course i'm going to make mini quiches. and maybe we can get a roast chicken to go with them. or i can cook some steaks or fry up some salmon or steelhead trout, whatever i can find. i wish we had a fish market here. i'm sure there is a place in this city where i can get fresh, wild caught steelhead or salmon. i just haven't found it.

that's what amazon could deliver with their make-believe drone program: fresh fish.