December 2nd, 2013

2013, cyd, new

studio ramblings

i've got to keep focused on this art studio thing. i can't take my mind off of it or let my and doc's natural proclivity towards procrastination take over the dream.

i've been collecting ideas on pinterest. this is going to be great. i asked doc if we could divide the garage down the middle with the shelves, he said "we'll see" which means yes, once i see it done, i will like it and let you keep it that way. he is also resigned to me using the shelves, not just my set, but his set, too. which would really help with organization.

i'm going to wait on the people across the street to see if they are getting rid of their carpet. they've been living there without furniture for almost a month, it arrived over the weekend. i know there were no pets across the street, so the carpet would be a score for the studio.

and i can get the cam out there! art studio cam! again. once again.

i didn't dream last night. i've been clinging to my dreams, trying to cling to the euphoric sense i get when i'm dreaming. if only i could hold onto that all day. i know. if only we all could.

my xmas tree makes me happy. i took pictures of it (you can see my favorite on the front page of and as i was playing with them and picking one, i kept trying to adjust the color because the tree was so dark, then i remembered that the tree is black, it's supposed to be dark. duh.

my mom gets home today. i expect to hear from her in the next couple of days about the xmas decorations. i wonder if she has an extra tree skirt. i had a cheap cotton one with sparkles on it, but i know she made at least two of them, she can't be using both. as into xmas as she is, she only believes in one tree. i can't find mine, this is why i wonder.

Major is in the hallway howling at my closed door. we sprayed in there again last night. we're carpet bombing them in each room. moving the furniture into the middle of the room and spraying and then vacuuming and then waiting a day and spraying again. we're losing the battle. well, we win battles, but we are losing the war. we've got to be more diligent. i have to unpack the books in the back room. get those boxes out of there.

doc has to deal with his room. it's his mess. he's never actually moved in there. he has slept in there a handful of times, but he never made it his own.

but i want to drop all of that and work on the studio. there is enough light in there during the day, with the back window, the open back door (or even with it closed, there's a window in it, too), and then if i need more, opening the big door. there are two outlets i can use. i have a six foot folding table and an old glass topped dining room table to set up for work spaces. and shelves and such. i can move the monolith of plastic drawers out of my room and out there. if i can get it set up in time, i can even put a small tree out there. but i have a lamp and a fluorescent fixture i can put up. all i need is a fan, which i can order online later. you can get them cheap all year round at they only last a couple of years with constant use, but i think they're good buys.

i've decided to take my stereo out there and hang the speakers on the wall. it's the kitchen/mudroom wall, so the bass won't matter. the CD player still works, so i will rely heavily on that. i will also take my computer speakers out there to hook up to the laptop when i'm out there. my only regret, i cannot hook up to the internet while out there. it will make working easier, with fewer distractions when i'm writing. i can reach the cam out there, but not the cable.

time to go play on pinterest and then take a nap and try to get the rest of my sleep. i know doc wants me to sleep all at once, but i can't do it. not yet, i'm working on sleeping in bigger blocks, though.
2013, cyd, new


can someone please explain to me why i am weeping to Gaga's "Gypsy"? i'd really like to know. is it the muppets that i associate with it? is her voice tearing through me? and damnit, i can't find any music that won't make me cry. i need to go out to the garage and organize something or something.
2013, cyd, new

why 2

Sometimes a story has no end
Sometimes I think that we could just be friends
"Cuz I'm a wandering man," he said to me
"And what about the future plans?
Does this thing we have even makes sense?
When I got the whole world in front of me?"
So I said

I don't wanna be alone forever, but I can be tonight
I don't wanna be alone forever, but I love gypsy life
I don't wanna be alone forever, maybe we can see the world together
I don't wanna be alone forever, but I can be


[Verse 2]
So I just packed my baggage and
Said goodbye to family and friends
And took a road to nowhere on my own
Like Dorothy on a yellow brick
Hope my ruby shoes get me there quick
Cuz I left everyone I love at home


[Post-Chorus 2]
I can be tonight!
Oh, why would you go with me tonight?
See the world with me?

Cuz I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm a gypsy, gypsy, gypsy I'm
I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm a gypsy, gypsy, gypsy I'm
I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm a gypsy, gypsy, gypsy I'm
I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm a gypsy, gypsy, gypsy I'm

And then he asked me, he said
"Baby! Why do we love each other?"
I said, "Honey, it's simple
It's the way that you love and treat your mother."

[Chorus 2]
Thought that I would be alone forever
But I won't be tonight
I'm a man without a home, but I think
With you, I could spend my life
And you'll be my little gypsy princess
Pack your bags and we can chase the sunset
Bust the rearview and fire up the jets
Cuz it's you and me!

[Post-Chorus 3]
Baby, for life
(if you go with me?)
For life
(see the world with me)


Russia, U.K, Paris
I'm Italian, Asian kompai
Africa, India, I'm a gypsy, I'm a gypsy, I'm a gypsy
I'm Latin-American
I don't speak German, but I try
Someday in Jakarta
I'm American, I'm gypsy
I'm Bangkok, Australian, Malaysia
Sweden, Finland, Norway
Be my home just for the day
I'm a gypsy, gypsy, gypsy

hear that? read that? i've never done that. what the christ am i crying about?
2013, cyd, new

on to something else, okay why 3

new pictures can be found at, in the November 2013 album. they are at the bottom. there are pictures of the tree in there, too. i'm putting up the lights outside when doc gets home and tells me where the lights are. then, i hope, we are going to go out and work out in the garage. i think we could get the tables and shelves set up and i could do the rest myself.

seriously, Artpop . . . try it. i'm not saying you'll weep like a little girl, i don't know what that is. it happens when i find new artists. i still weep at bowie. and U2. okay, and Big Country. never to a woman before. i think i'm falling in love. i have been consuming every piece of information about Gaga that i could find. it's at least a HUGE crush. too bad she's so much younger than me, i'd give it a shot. you know, write her lovely letters and try to get her to love me through my words. heh. i'm too old for such things. i can think about it while i go through boxes.

watch, by the end of the day i will have doc begging to hear xmas carols.

if you just can't do Artpop, try an xmas carol: she flips it and does the traditional "male" part of the song. it's cute.
2013, cyd, new

oh it was horrible

there was NO cooperation today. the whole garage thing turned into a fiasco. we fought for two hours and bad things happened. i'm glad it's over and we're over it. the garage is another story.

tomorrow when the sun comes up, i will go out and move stuff around and see if i can't make headway. fuck B for triggering this.

no, i don't mean that. i need a studio. doc has wanted to set it up for me since we have moved in and i have been resistant to it. he wasn't lying to B, that garage was meant to be my space. now that the house has bugs, the idea of spending time out in the garage is appealing.

he got the glass table out and set up. i'll have to take it down to move it, but it's set up. he cleared off the 6' table, which i had thought impossible. it's just up to me to trade what is against the wall with what is in the middle of the garage. unfortunately that involves taking everything against the wall out. *sigh*

it only has to be done once. then i'll have it done and ready to set up into the perfect art studio.

i'm over weeping at Lady Gaga. i think. if i try to sing it, i tear up, which, she probably would, too. oh, to be a Muppet. to be in her presence for even a moment. to feel her glow on my face for just an instant, dare i wish for a smile?

wow, i've got it bad.

i belong to her Little Monsters site. i joined a long time ago before i knew if i liked her or not. now i'm actually afraid to go there. i will be jealous of all the people clamoring for her attention and i don't want to be a Little Monster. i don't want to be one of the throngs. the kids. i'm too old for this shit.

i don't comprehend her art. i don't get shiny art. like ana voog's art. talk about a crush. i was so in love with her. i took her so personally. but i never got her art. i don't mean i never got into it, because i did. and with Gaga, i do. i love it. but i can't recreate it. i can't create anything like it. my art has rough edges and is unmastered. Gaga's is smooth and almost over produced. her images and sounds are sharp and well defined, her words are shiny. i am unfamiliar with this. personally. my words are mostly mumbled.

i think i'm going to watch the muppet special again, now that i've listened to her music on headphones without muppets or elton john accompanying. it's time for a fresh cup of coffee, and maybe a cigarette.