November 22nd, 2013

2013, cyd, new

today is finally done

okay, running on three interrupted hours of sleep, i went on a cooking binge. i made Cheesey Baked Potato Slices, Super Maccaroni and Cheese, and Cydniey's Potato Pancakes. the mac and cheese was a new recipe i was trying. i think i will change the name to There Is No Way You'll Be Able To Have Seconds and Cheese. it is super cheesy and super rich. i want to try it with whole wheat pasta and fontina and swiss cheeses. it was a simple change to my classic recipe, but one i honestly had never thought of. once presented with it (on pinterest, of all places), i found it to be genius and it changed my thinking on a lot of things i cook.

i have to make up the shopping list for doc for thanksgiving: pie crust (yes, of course i can make my own, quickly and with little effort, too, but like puff pastry, pie crust can be purchased without sacrificing much of the quality, and for a quiche base, i don't need much in the high flakiness of the home made kind), 1/4 lb. chunks of fontina and swiss cheeses, 1/3 lb. chunk of tavern ham (i've decided to try that instead of my old stand-by, virginia baked ham), sausages, more cream. that should do it. i have cinnamon rolls (don't like the home made kind, i like the kind in a tube) for breakfast with the sausages he'll get . . . chips and dip for lunch . . . oh, i need soda for that. and then the stuff for the quiche. eggs! okay, let me write all that down. we're also getting a shrimp wheel for lunch. but that's already on the list.

it's going to be a perfect day. even if things go wrong, it will still be a great day. doc is along for the ride. ("And you're so into the holidays this year and it scares the hell out of me.") we have meals planned. the only thing we don't have planned is TV after the parade, and for that, i thought i'd hook the speakers up to the laptop and we could have a Firefly marathon.

the dentist i had was supposed to have done a root canal on this tooth i lost the crown to two years ago and has just decided to hurt. i say 'supposed to' because i'm beginning to doubt he did the root canal, as there is nerve exposed right now. and let me tell you the pain is sublime. just magic. stupid dentist. stupid me for trusting someone with my money and mouth. no wonder all the teeth he worked on are still rotting away in my mouth.

we've been taking a sick amount of cute pet photos. mostly when the other is sleeping. the pets crawl all over us when we sleep and pile on us. especially me. so we've taken to snapping pictures of each other while snuggling or otherwise being assaulted by one or more of the pets.

chewy ran away with his sweater on today. so at least people know he's well dressed if not well behaved. he spent the day in his sweater, which he seems quite fond of. i need to get him a couple of tshirts. maybe i'll make a couple on for him. i'm also going to make him a punk rock vest out of a newly deceased pair of jeans. i'm going to put spikes on it and get a patch for the back. probably a black flag patch. it's a no sew project. his sweater is pretty gay, it's a sweater vest. i have to admit. but we can't always be butch.

i'm bouncing around and i want to go to bed. i wonder if i could sleep in my room finally. it's bug free. i guess if i burn some incense in there to make it smell familiar, it won't matter that the furniture is all wonky.

two days of the cat piss cam and no sightings. it's like the creatures know there's a cam on them.

no, i can't sleep in my room. the thought of it's crypt like chill just isn't appealing to me tonight. and with the furniture all in the middle of the room, it's just too creepy. and i have no teddy bear to hold. i didn't realize i slept with a teddy bear almost every night until i didn't have one. i think that's why i keep having dreams about buying a new stuffed animal at a yard sale or thrift store. it is always a different place and a different type of animal, but it's always second hand and always big-ish. the first night i had the dreams, i woke with a complete urgency to get an animal, which doc did not indulge. since then it has kept happening, and now, more often than not, i take the animal back to the cottage i told you about a few days ago.

i'll sleep out here. not to music tonight. and not with the lights all off. tonight i sleep the sleep of the scared. i was having some pretty awful hallucinations earlier. it left me shaken.

time to disturb the dog and Simon and lay down. have a good night. see you in a few hours.
2013, cyd, new

aaaaahhhhhhh! (scream)

oog, someone just came up to my front door, at 5:30 in the morning, and then just left. they didn't leave anything out there. i had the window open but was safe from sight behind the privacy screen. they, he, i think it was a he . . . didn't make any noise. just came up the driveway kind of meanderingly and up to the front security gate, stood there for a second and then left. slowly. it was weird. i was just about to say something through the window and scare the shit out of him when he turned around and left. my heart was pounding in my head, i had my dagger in my hand, i was terrified, even though i am behind the security of this fortress. i don't like someone on my driveway at 5:30 in the morning.

eggnog in my coffee makes me happy. i have some left over potato pancakes to heat up for breakfast. for lunch i will have mac and cheese.

people buying and selling breast milk online. it's natural, it must be good right? then are surprised when high levels of bacteria are found in samples of something people are pumping into bags straight out of their bodies (!) and freezing and shipping. the whole concept is gross to me. i guess new mothers all think they are clean because they are mothers. because they can lactate, they are automatically blessed, and can't have disease or. . . i can't even talk about this anymore, it skeeves me out too much. it's a baby, not a kitten you can set to suck at a dogs teat. what the fuck are people thinking? putting unregulated stranger juice into their helpless children. it's child abuse and should be stopped. having a wet nurse is one thing, that, i can easily understand, this is just gross.

that's my rant of the morning. i'm not taking it to facebook because freedom of speech is just a catchphrase over there. and i don't want to hear it from the rabid nature mothers. i don't need that. no one does.

it's been raining for a day. it started raining while i was cooking yesterday and it's still raining. not hard, not flooding. just a nice quiet rain. i was sitting in the kitchen staring into space and listening to it through the open window. and the frigid air has come to us for now. we didn't get caught out of the cold front, like the weather map on CNN said we would. it hit us full on. someone needs to recolor their maps. oh! now it is raining hard. wow, the traffic pictures are all fucked up. wow, the traffic is all fucked up. that's right, people can't drive when there's weather here, never mind most of them came from a place with weather. it's no longer an excuse just to live here. you are from somewhere else where you, i assume, had to conduct yourself as a decent human being, why throw that off when you get to vegas?

ice skating on the strip!?!? what is this? oh, i want to go! just to look and to take pictures, i don't want to ice skate. i should take the bus down there one night. i wonder if doc would let me go down alone, i doubt it. but i'll try. i'm going to have a hard enough time getting him to take me to see the lights at Ethel M Chocolates, it will be impossible to get him down to the strip to witness ice skating.

he asked me a couple of weeks ago why we moved here. i said because i thought i would be happy. i thought the reason (and i didn't want to sound bitter here) we stayed in all the time in Philly was because there was nothing to do out in the sticks where we lived. no. turns out he doesn't like to go out. and i came here to be a part of the city life. so it seems like a great big waste now. especially when i know i just have to go back when his parents get sick (they are old, they will get sick). and i will have wasted all my time here and it will be all i have left while i spend the rest of my life surrounded by the fucked up weather and small bakeries and minimum wage because we will live far enough outside of Philly that working in the city won't be practical.

so i should be living it up now. i'm going to do it. i'm going to take the bus down to the ice rink one night this season. it's free to sit by the fire, they just said on the news. $5 for the bus and i can have a nice night out.

okay, i just freaked myself out by thinking about the possible, likely future. kind of makes going back to school seem like a waste now. oh well, i'll pretend it's not going to happen and get on with things in the here and now.

at some point today, i am going to take some sleeping pills, light some incense and go into my room, close the door and sleep without any animals on me for a few uninterrupted hours. i spent the last hour of trying to sleep this morning with felix on my face. and it didn't matter how many times i took him off my face. he went back to my face until i gave up and let him go to sleep. meanwhile Simon and the dog were fighting it out on my legs. the breaking point was when Evie jumped up on my chest and started shit with Felix. i got up and went to the bathroom and shut the door for some peace. i was sitting there when Tulip popped out of the cabinet and climbed up on my back. i screamed. i did. i couldn't take it. i wanted affectionate animals, and i got them. i didn't realize i wouldn't be able to turn them off when i wanted some rest.

okay, my stomach has settled from being upset with the animals. time for some potato pancakes and eggnog.

oh, yeah, i put bacon in my mac and cheese yesterday, i'm telling you, you want to eat here. this stuff is fabulous!
2013, cyd, new

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