November 16th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

nothing to say

i made him take me to breakfast. he bought me a pair of jeans. i am appalled at the jeans. we got them at the thrift shop and they were still $20. i don't know what retail for a pair of Levi's 501's is . . . i guess it's more than $20 . . . but that still seems high for used clothes. i guess Levi's is a designer brand once again. they are comfy, though. and they are in like-new condition.

next thursday i get to order my xmas tree!!! i can't wait! i'm not putting any decorations up until thanksgiving night, but i'm getting excited!

i don't have much else to say. i'm in that place again. not wanting to communicate with the outside world. it really puts me out that i have to communicate with him. and i haven't been doing it well. i've just got nothing to say.
2013, cyd, new

i've been up for two whole hours now.

okay, from what Lilliane tells me, i'm lucky to have gotten my jeans as cheap as i did. cool. maybe i'll go back and get the 36"s. i bought the 34"s because they fit me perfectly, but i have no problem with baggy jeans.

much more of a problem, i need a new over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. doc and i destroyed the one i had in an argument the other day. i don't remember what we were arguing over, but the bra ended up in a tug of war. i hate bra shopping much more than i hate regular shopping and i really hate regular shopping. i would rather iron than bra shop. but i has to be done. i can get away through the winter with sports tanks, but come summer, those won't do anymore.

tomorrow we have to go to the laundrette. ALL of my clothes have to be run through the dryer. then i don't know where i'm going to keep them. i have a laundry basket full of uninfested clothes in the kitchen that are all too small for me.

there was a bug caught in my sweats, at the ankle. my ankle got all chewed up. the next day one got caught under my pants at my knee and that got all bitten up, as well. since our last round of alcohol spray and toxic shit, there hasn't been a sighting. doesn't mean i'm not spraying down the house with alcohol again tomorrow. just means i have some peace.

i'm not sure if i'm depressed or what is going on with me. i can't seem to do much more than lay on the floor in my "bed". i just lay there and listen to the TV, or, more often lately, nothing. well, it's never really silent here, not with the cats. but i've been turning off the TV, and not in favor of music, either. just nothing. and i just lay there, in and out of sleep. i get up, i smoke a couple of cigarettes, drink some coffee, and lay back down. this bed bug thing has taken it out of me. the house is trashed from stuff being hoarded in the "safe" areas and furniture moved out from the wall for the ease of spraying. i hate it.

and every time i get up, i'm mad. doc is getting tired of it. he wants me to sleep in 8 hour stretches and be up for the rest of the time. i just can't see me doing it. i'll try. i'm trying tonight. i just got up but i took some sleeping pills, and hopefully they will knock me out until morning. i don't even care if i stay awake for all of SNL. that is something that tells me something is wrong. i've been missing all my TV shows. and i am a creature of habit, those shows anchor me.

i've also gotten over twitter. completely. i don't even read it anymore. and i'm almost there with facebook. i forgot myself and shared a political link the other day and stupid B commented on it which just pissed me off. i have to just sit there and take his stupidity. i'm pretty much done with that. i'll leave him his forum of stupidity, i want no more part of it. and yes, i thought of unfriending him, but i can't because he will get all bent about it and take it out on doc and the scooter. so i just have to not use my facebook account and i won't have to deal with him.

the family is coming together at this time of impending holidays. the boys are coming home to visit and doc went and had a couple of beers with N today. it's been a long, lonely summer.

i always see those furniture stores at the holidays that give away rooms full of furniture to needy families and (they say) individuals . . . i always wondered if we were needy enough for new furniture. but they only give the stuff to families with kids. i guess those are the only deserving poor people, those who breed.

okay, SNL is funny tonight, with Lady Gaga. i've only rolled my eyes a few times, and haven't up and turned it off yet.

those sleeping pills are starting to make me type funny. i think it's time to lay down. i've been up for two whole hours now.