November 1st, 2013

2013, cyd, new

candle's out, candy's gone, time to shut this shit down

doc called and woke me up at 4 this morning. letting me know he emailed me the insurance info. we have a few hours to enroll and he's left it up to me. i'm not happy. i'm also not happy with UPS, their HR portal is the most confounding, confusing piece of shit i've ever seen. every click opens a new window, and everything must be clicked on. i had 14 windows open inside of 5 minutes and was completely lost. so now i'm sitting here mad and crying because it's all been left up to me. i don't want it to be up to me. i don't want to know that we have no choices. super saver crap insurance with sky high deductibles, or expensive crap insurance with sky high deductibles. i hope they are getting ripped off as much as they are ripping off their employees. it's like they're bitter half their workforce is union, so they're going to take it out on the non-union half.

i've got my candy ready for trick or treat. doc is coming home and going right to sleep because he wants to be awake with me when they come. he said he knows that i did it alone last year, but he doesn't like the idea of me opening the door to strangers all night. it's so cute. blech. which means he will sit, half asleep on the couch, while i answer the door alone all night. i know how this works. i've been doing it for 13 years.

the ACA has done one good thing for me. zero cost mammograms. which is cool. i found a lump 2 years ago and haven't been able to get the $75 together to get the labwork done. and i still owe $200 for the pap smear (which is now covered) and wellness check (which is also now covered). so i can go get a mammogram. i'm not sure if i am relieved. i'm kind of happy not knowing what is growing in my left breast.

did you know if you waive medical coverage in Nevada through the ACA, you automatically and irrevocably waive dental coverage? i know that now. and that sucks. because i need all the dental coverage i can get. i thought that was kind of fucked up. apparently i am the only person in this country with bad teeth over the poverty level.

i am not going to get frustrated or upset today. i'm going to trust doc to help me. that hasn't been going so well, he's been in a bad mood. today is a new day.

i have a tension neck ache . . . ooog. i want a vicodin. i'll settle for four ibuprophen and maybe a beer. i could have a beer. doc got me frozen cheese stix to bake, i could have a beer with those. that would be good. i think we have some frosted mugs. i try to keep at least two frosting at all times.

"No-o-o", major was chewing on the network cable. he's the one that chewed through my old headphones.

Lelu is frustrated with me. i printed out a receipt the other day and still haven't retrieved it out of the printer and it is in her way. she keeps going over to it, rustling it, and then sitting and staring at me.

am i going to carve my pumpkin? i'm not really much good at pumpkin carving. but i have tealight candles to go into it. and i have the pumpkin. and it's really nice and round and big. (i had expected him to get me some really small pumpkin, he got me a huge one) and i know where my carving tools are. i could find something online and print it out and do it . . . .

and i have to hang my glittery spider from the ceiling in the entry way. between the security gate and the front door. and this year, i will prop the screen door open with my bar stool with the pumpkin on top. that way i can just open the door and give out candy without having to move everyone back and open the screen first. i'm being an impossible viet nam vet for halloween. i have a flight suit, combat boots and army t-shirt and army patches to sew on the flight suit. and a Leeloo Dallas wig. the wig is part of the impossible part. the other impossible part will be the neon blue combat boots. i think i'll even borrow doc's sleek funky gloves to wear. once i get the costume together, i'll have doc take pictures.

i'm up and awake and relaxing about the insurance thing . . . and slightly stoned . . . and i'm starting to get excited about tonight. kelli sent me two small skulls with eyes that blink. i'm going to put them in the trucks and turn them on so we have creepy things in the car. i'm going to hang the bat at the door once i open the screen door and hang the skeleton on the front door in a walk-like-an-Egyptian pose. i'll also get pictures of the neighbor's yard, which they really do up. i should go out now and take "before shots" i can follow the progress and make a video of it later, ooo. brb.


it's much easier to carve a pumpkin as an adult. i had fun. there's a picture of it here: it's the last picture. it's a ghost. we just took a picture of it i near dark with the flash off. the joys of a 4 gig memory card, it took nearly that to get a still enough picture. doc finally did it. the pictures featured above are from around my neighborhood, they aren't my place, except the really plain one with the pumpkin lantern.

we ran out of candy around 8. just in time for "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. i turned off the light and brought in the pumpkin with a few pieces of candy left. i didn't want to get caught in the middle of a group and run out of candy completely like i did last year. so i left it with a couple of pieces left. it was a fun halloween. i only cried for the first few kids that came by (kids make me cry, especially the little black princesses that look like my beloved Kasey) and then i pulled my shit together. i saw a few soldiers. i was a soldier, too. i didn't have a helmet, though, as one of the boys in uniform pointed out. yes, but i had patches. impressive.


long night. animals on me. little sleep. up at 4am. oh yeah, today is friday. when doc comes home, he'll be home for two days. cool. he did manage to get some sleep last night. once we ran out of candy . . . we had plenty of candy, i'm just too generous with it. and doc scoffed, and tried it and he gave out handfuls, too. so we just accepted it. the candy left over is nothing i can eat. it's all gum and tootsie rolls. i intentionally got candy i wouldn't eat. of course doc is going to walmart to get sale candy today after work. heh.

i told him my big plans for thanksgiving. so he's going to clean off the dining room table and we are going to have quiche and steaks for dinner. and some kind of veg, i have to think of a veg. maybe broccoli and cheese sauce. the only way i will eat broccoli. i used to have it over at Kelli's house at thanksgiving. but we're going to do the whole day. i'm getting up and making breakfast and we're watching the parade together, and then he will go to sleep for a while and be up for dinner. then he will go back to sleep. we don't watch the sports games on TV. and while he sleeps in the evening, i am putting up xmas. i got the go ahead to make xmas a two month long thing. that gives us three weeks to get the tree. we're going to order it online, i think, that way we can get the one we want. i don't expect them to carry the cheap tree in the stores.

i have the lights off and i'm sitting in candle light in front of the space heater, winter is here. i don't expect any more 80-something days for a few months.

today is my last day of smoking pot. i'm conflicted. it's my last day until a local harvest. so, for a few weeks, considering blooming and drying and curing. it's going to be scary for doc. i'm going to try to control myself. i have to get over this pot thing. and this is just the trick to do it. so after today i'm on the wagon. god help the cats.

there is this place in town called Opportunity Village. they are a charity that, among other things, trains and finds employment for the disabled. they make up their property big for xmas and have the Enchanted Xmas Forrest. this year doc, and I, by extension, have been given the opportunity, through UPS to volunteer to set the place up for the holidays this year. and in exchange, get free passes to the Enchanted Forrest later in the season! i'm really excited.

i asked about going to the halloween parade downtown yesterday but doc said, Fuck No, It's Cold. *sigh*

it's november, time for NaNoWriMo. i'm ready for it. 50,000 words before the end of the month. and i've entered a contest through to get a free read of it when i'm done. i don't really want to win, there's not a lot that a "professional" could tell me. i know the rules, and i know i break them. i know i'm not "commercially viable" and i have no plan to become such a thing. but in entering, you get a membership to an inspirational website to help you day to day to get your words written, and i'm going to need that. i'm no good on follow through.

i got the rest of my beading supplies yesterday in the mail. i just put it to the side with all the halloween stuff going on. i just fell in love with these colored wood beads. i bought them in several shapes and sizes. i plan to make earrings, bracelets and necklaces out of them. they may not sell for the holidays, but they will be done for them. the colors are very springlike. that's why they were on sale so cheap. a dollar per 90 gram bag, i got four bags.

and i have the rug to work on. my finger is completely healed. i'd like to get that done this month, but my priority is the novel. discouraging, because i'm just not feeling it. but it's important to do it. i just don't know if i'll do it at a regular time or randomly.

Evie can go back out today. hooray for her!

Felix was so funny last night. he stayed close to home, so he was one of the few not locked up in a room. Chewy was in my room for a while, but he was whining and i couldn't handle it so i put him in the back yard, where he happily barked at people for an hour. Felix took full advantage of getting to go out, he would run in and out of the feet of the trick or treaters, to their thrill. he'd run out with one group and then come back in with the next group, sucking up every bit of attention he could get. Evie was locked in my bathroom, which she viciously rearranged. Vader went into my room because he doesn't pee on stuff. and Major went into the mudroom. where he sat and howled.
2013, cyd, new


i just bought myself a copy of "Go Ahead, Eat the Daisies". it was 40% off. so now i will have copies of all my books and i can die happy.

doc and i are supposedly going to the laundrette today to wash all the bedding and cook the stuffed animals. i don't believe it and i'm wearing my fuckit outfit. black sweats and a brown tshirt. with my hair tied back. i need to wash it. i just didn't feel like it when i took a bath earlier. taking a bath seemed like a fucking chore.

i was nice and good all day yesterday. getting bribed with corndogs and ice cream from sonic helped that along. i was the one that remembered 50 cent corndogs on halloween. yummy!

i was watching the news on MSNBC, but then the shooting at LAX happened, and now it's all breaking news. which is unreliable news, and i don't want to listen to it. i learned that watching the 10th anniversary coverage of 9/11. they did a minute by minute replay on MSNBC. and it was amazing how wildly wrong everyone was about everything and how they spun off into media oblivion with their conjectures. i won't watch breaking news because of that, anymore.

the thing about getting along with doc, he wants to talk to me a lot more. i forget how hard it must be on him to have his only friend be a raving lunatic bitch. i have him, what does he have, nothing but me. i suck. i need to not suck so much. he deserves a friend that loves him all the time and acts like it all the time.

ooh, i started writing a poem in my stoned sleep last night. i knew i would forget it so i sat up and grabbed a journal and wrote it down. i can finish that at the laundrette. not the most poetic place, but hey.
2013, cyd, new


San Diego Dental Implant Center is following me on Pinterest. i don't pin pictures of teeth. so weird the interconnectivity of the web. maybe they'll give me free teeth.

on a more realistic note: we were going over the medical insurance tonight, and in the dental section it had a new thing: Implants 80% coverage. YAY!!! i'm getting me some new teeth in the new year. i'll get the front ones done first and worry about the rest later. then maybe i can find a date. i'm skinny and cute. though some members of the GOP have opined i look like Keith Olberman in a blonde wig, i'll take it. Keith's a pretty good lookin' guy.

doc is being conquered by the animals. he is on the small couch and chewy and Leia-tini are on him. good, let him get smothered with love for once.

ever just wake up needing to hear a song? i'm having that with the Goo Goo Dolls, "Long Way Down". why can't i have good taste in music? why do i like this candy crap? Moving on to Goldfrapp's "Strict Machine", better known as that phone commercial song. i don't remember what phone, but if you hear the song, you will remember the haunting synthesizer from your techie dreams.

now that halloween is over, i'm over my Disneyland obsession. for the season. i don't wish to go there during the xmas season. too many memories are wrapped up with that. that would take a team of doctors and time for me to stand still everywhere and cry uncontrollably for a half hour. draining. so until spring, i'm back to being obsessed with the California Bay Area. where Nana lives. where i was born. i'm being called home. i watched "Foul Play" today, which, of course, was filmed in San Francisco. the scene at the Opera House (I don't remember what it's called!!) where they are watching a Kabki version of the Maccado . . . i went there as a kid to see The Nutcracker Suite. i went into this 15 minute trip on how impressive the whole scene was when i was a kid and how overwhelmed but thrilled i was. now i want to go see nana. i want to sit on the balcony and smoke a cigarette and look at the Golden Gate through Papa's old telescope. i want to watch the fog roll in over the bay while i stoke the fireplace and fetch nana cocoa. with bourbon. i should make that happen this year.

i wonder if i asked her, if she would pay for a bus ticket. i'm sure she would. i just couldn't ask her. "loaning" money is common in our family, but i've never been comfortable with it. she's bought my parents two houses. a bus ticket is not out of her reach. i'd need cab fare, too. there is no way i'm letting my nana into the inner city of Oakland to go to the bus station. she is way too pale, and she insists on driving huge luxury cars that beg to be stolen and ridden around in all day, then trashed. god, i sound racist. no. it's trash i don't like. i don't care the color. and Oakland, unfortunately, is full of trash. she lives up in the hills, the enchanted part of Oakland. i've no problem with her trekking all over the third world, but i won't think of letting her into an American inner city. i should call her tomorrow. i'm sure i can still find her number online, under papa's name. so quaint. how she doesn't try to live off the grid like the rest of us. the Buffers have always been ruthlessly hunted by the Bill Collector Clan. well, just mine and my parent's generation. nana has never had to deal with that. papa provided for her all her life.

i'm getting off of this. i don't know what my nostalgia bit is recently. i can't seem to stop it. and now i've got Xmas Disneyland on my mind. i need to go look at pictures of San Francisco and Sweden. buh-bye.