so i found more music. some older stuff. something i haven't heard lately. good stuff.
i talked to the foster case worker at the animal shelter today. she reassured me that they wouldn't take Leia away from us if she was still sick. they would give us more meds and send us home with her on a foster basis still. the adoption isn't complete until she's spayed and chipped. but there is no risk of losing her. i mean, unless she doesn't get well. but that seems unlikely. she's getting better already. and she is growing. her collar is getting tight, she's gaining weight. the nutrients are working.
Chewy keeps getting into the garbage tonight. i don't know what his deal is. he has food. and a brand new dish to eat it out of (i love the dollar store). now he's curled up with Leia trying to be as cute as possible. and looking at me with those pathetic eyes. oh, how can i resist the cute?
i slept most of the day. i made mac and cheese from scratch and ate that for lunch. and did some cleaning. but not much else. i have to tear apart the couch and my bed tonight. ugh. sigh.
i don't feel like writing. i have nothing in my head. it's just white noise. i'm gonna go.
i took apart my bed and found 2 bed bug nests. both in my stuffed animals. fucking great. i'm going to have to take them to the laundrette and wash them in steaming hot water. i've sprayed them with toxic shit and vacuumed all visible evidence up. i sprayed down my bed and took the sheet off. vacuumed the shit out of that. what if i can't get rid of these fuckers? i know where they came from. and it's going to take everything i have not to punch B in the head the next time i see him. stupid happenings of spring. oh, man, i am so grossed out. my hands were covered with blood when i was done. there's a stack of stuffed animals and pillows and sheets out on the porch now. i wonder when doc is going to the laundrette. i need to bag these up.
hands up if you are tired of hearing about Chris Matthews' new book. i don't want to read it. i'm sure he finds a way to yell through the text. the man scares me. i don't even know what his views are, all i can register is "fat white man yelling".
i've been thinking about it lately, and i've discovered i am not a moral person. i'm not a particularly good person, either. take slavery for example. i'm for that. Under Certain Conditions. if the slaves were middle aged white men, i'd be for that. i would. and i'd be first to the whip. i would work those motherfuckers to death. i would leave bodies around the fucking property of fat white guys who died where they stood. actually, let me specify middle aged, because technically doc is middle aged - 55-75 years old; overweight; short grey hair; big mouth. if i could just enslave the republicans, all the better. that would be preferable.
i entered a contest to win a trip to Disneyland and the tv station i entered at has sent me in excess of 8 emails a day, each one has to be separately unsubscribed to, and it doesn't matter because they keep sending the emails anyway. for all this, i had Better win the trip.
aside from spam, i don't get email anymore since i stopped posting on facebook. and i am happy. i'm kind of disappointed that "friends" did not "like" my page and with the five people who did, it hardly seems worth updating, but i will. all the meaningless stupid pages i have "liked" for people to help them spread the word, and i ask for one thing in return. right. can't fucking depend on the golden rule, people only say they follow it. and it's just online stuff, it isn't like you are giving up a kidney.
Truthful Tuesday: am i an unlikeable person? really. i won't be hurt. it would be a relief to hear a chorus of "yeses", it would explain things. or am i just boring and have nothing really to offer and i'm totally deluded that the opposite is true? that could be. delusion is a symptom of my illness, and it had me convinced that my problem was doc for years. when he was actually the solution. the point is that my delusions can be strong and persistent and i may be living under the biggest self delusion of all.
i've been asking this question since 1999. since i spent about a year online. it took about a year of the unpopularity and silence of the internet to get to me. of course i am saying this a couple paragraphs after advocating the enslavement of the GOP, just the males, let me be clear. leave the women and children to fend for themselves like the rest of us. right.
i can make myself feel better for a while by saying that i just scare people, then some Polish Jew in Israel wants to "chat" because he saw you get your nipples pierced on youtube. i have no problem with poles or jews. that isn't what i have a problem with. i don't know what i have a problem with. he objectified me? or he was the only person to? what is my deal? i don't know. i'm tired of ten years of spam. of 13 years of making noise and nothing. is it time to pack up and start keeping it to myself?
so yeah, i'm full of shit. i DO want to be known. but do i really know what that entails? the good and the bad. and the end of the silence. and isn't it the silence i like the best? do i really want to give that up?
midlife crisis. some kind of fucking crisis. enough of this, i'm going to go out and decorate for halloween.
so, how is our favorite feral? it's been a year and a half almost since we took him in by force and he opted not to go back out.
he's doing pretty good. he's started gaining weight with the cold weather, i'm starting to wonder if his weight loss wasn't due to having to spend the summer not shaved and if he does this every year. i thought i was going to have a problem with him guarding food. i noticed him out of hand, just laying in front of the food dish. with some observation i was able to determine that he just likes to sleep there. he lets everyone get to the food, and moves for the skittish. so, no problem there. and he is no longer growling at the food as he eats.
he and doc are getting along well. about as well as Simon and i get along. he has backed away from me with the arrival of the ever needy Major, but he has gotten closer to doc. he's just as likely to jump up and lay with doc as he is with me. he lets doc touch and pet him as much as he lets me. so that has worked out well. doc broke him down with treats and food and special treatment.
on to the others. . .
Evie is unhappy. she doesn't like the stay-in-until-the-end-of-october game we're playing. tough shit. all black cats stay in. even if they are pacing demons half the time. she's getting used to it. the first 24 hours we were able to keep her in were the worst. ahh, speaking of the raging demon, she jumps up in my lap and loves me. sweet Evie. i'll have to lock her in doc's room on halloween night, to keep her in while i answer the door to trick or treaters. that could be said about most of them, though. the only ones that don't want out are the ones that aren't black. this has made me realize, i have a lot of black cats. we can only tell them apart by their collars, unless we can look them in the eye. but streaking through the house, we have to somehow get a glimpse of their collar to figure out who to tell to slow the hell down.
couldn't be white cats that we could dye the tails of. no. had to be black cats.
if they're coming at you, it's easy. Major meows all the way up to you; Evie has a bell but no tags and her eyes are slightly crossed; Vader is skinny and lanky and his collar is on backwards from the others; Bagira had medium length fur and is a fat bastard, he is easy to spot from across the room; Freddie is little and has a purple collar; and Leia is tiny and has a pink collar and the bleach mark over her eye. but if they are running around, christ only knows who is who.
speaking of cats, where is Felix, and what is that crying noise i keep hearing, are we haunted? Felix is somehow shut up in the back room. Fool. now he's out and the other cats are flocking around him, like, "what's wrong," "where were you," and "why were you crying, what did she do to you?" he loves the attention.