October 8th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

i just referred to writing a book as a journey. shoot me in the face now and take away my laptop.

i couldn't wait util next month. i was sitting outside smoking a cigarette after having a bowl and the ideas started pouring out of my head. i managed to remember them all and get them down before they escaped and then refine them a bit. i ended up with 750 words. like i hinted at before i have no clue where this is going. what the plot is. it's really auto-biographical in some ways and pure fantasy in others. it can be beautiful.

but now i've run out of ideas. i'm thinking of going out and having another cigarette an hour and a half has passed. maybe more will come to me.

so i guess i'm writing a book. i never thought i actually would. i always thought i'd be "just a poet". i never thought i would dare to cross into fiction. i never thought i could keep it straight, but reading Brautigan and Bukowski, i see, you just let the words and ideas come, get them down, and look at them later. they don't have to be perfect. and Kathy Acker taught me you don't have to stick to the confines of proper grammar. i mean there is no excuse for poor grammar, but there is different structure that can be used. structure that Word's little grammar helpers don't like. i seem to use a lot of fragments. and i don't do my dialog in the traditional way. the best way i've found is like in a script. it stops dead the akward repetition of "said". Acker did it, too, and gave me the courage to do it myself.

this is a journey i really didn't think i would be going on. it never occurred to me that i would have the courage to try to write a book. but when i let the ideas come like they did tonight, the words just flow out of me and i don't really care where they're going.

i just referred to writing a book as a journey. shoot me in the face now and take away my laptop.

i did some looking around on walmart.com and i can get a refurbished computer and new flat screen monitor for under $400. not bad. and if it doesn't work, i have somewhere to return it to. that will take months to come up with unless i get my ass in gear with ebay. i can't believe i spaced on that today. i've been looking at the jewlery and i really have the boho thing going, which will work for me, it's "in" this season. i'll get sales up in time for xmas shopping. and offer free gifts with big ticket items.
2013, cyd, new

and he laughed and laughed

so, i suffered the embarrassment and read what i wrote last night to doc. he laughed and laughed and it was okay. it's just a work of fiction. no biggie. but he liked my style and "cadence". cool. i know it's just based off me reading two pages to him, but he had positive things to say about it. the content, silly. i know. it's pure fantasy, but as someone who knows me, he said he enjoyed the autobiographical touches i added. that's cool. that's what i wanted. and only two people in the world will really get it and neither of them will ever read it, doc and kelli. anyone else who reads it will always have to wonder which parts are true ticks of my personality and which are made up to help the narrative along.

i got a couple hours of sleep. i lay awake for an hour and a half until i finally brought the laptop into the bedroom and put on Labyrinth, then when that ended, music. doc woke me up around 6, he got off work early. now he's asleep on the couch and i'm awake. it's a chilly day, but it's supposed to warm up. it's almost light enough out to start taking pictures. i'm not losing sight of that today. mama wants a new desktop computer.

shades of autumn

leaves don't turn here
in las vegas
like they do in the east
they wait and watch
and then, just when
you think it's not going
to happen this year,
they will stay
on the trees,
this time . . . but no,
they go all at once
green one day
yellow the next
brown the final
then gone . . .
all over the ground
for the desert winds
to sweep away
all autumn long

i just jotted that down for a new member poetry contest over at allpoetry.com. i don't usually enter contests, my fragile ego can't take it and there are usually rules and constraints that put me off. but i was just bored enough to come up with this. it was rattling around my head last night, but got pushed out of the way for the Story. so now that i have the sections of the Story down, i figured, why not get something for words. or something like that.

Chewy took himself out for a walk today. i swear to all the gods i do not know how he is getting out. but he got out. i wanted to take him on a walk and see how well my hip pack went with my leather. okay, they don't. my leather is black and the pack is weathered brown. but hey, my boots are blue!

making no sense. should probably take my meds. it's light enough to take pictures, so, off to do that. the cam is working, so i will try to point the laptop at where i'll be taking the pictures. Too Much Fun.
2013, cyd, new

ego stroking

wow, so i entered that poem in a contest, and i don't know how it will do, but i've gotten some really positive feedback on it. really surprising feedback. i don't even like that piece very much. it doesn't do me credit. but i'm getting this really constructive feedback on it. i wonder what they will do if i post a piece i like. it's been so long since i exposed my work to a new audience that this is kind of overwhelming. the poem wasn't that good. nothing compared to what i can do. but people see something in it. they complimented the tone and imagery. i am taken aback.

i am resisting the urge to post old poetry just for ego strokes. i will only post new poetry on there. and not very often.

the maintenance guy will be here in the next hour or so. the fan in my bathroom died a horrible and loud death. so they are coming to replace it. though i fear they will come out, pronounce it broken and come back another time. i'm just trying to figure out what to do with the dog while they are here. we don't have a dog. see? okay, doggie in the mud room. i put the cat bed in there for him, he'll be fine and hopefully stay quiet. kitten is in doc's bathroom. mine is cleaned of all evidence of anything other than human in there.

power ade is on sale at the local shops. so doc is bringing me plenty of it. it's better for me than coffee and is helping me get off the coffee more. eventually i'll be back on mainly ice water. this coffee obsession has been fun, but it isn't good for me, i know.

so maybe i have some talent for this writing thing. this site i'm playing with, allpoetry.com has open forums to post poetry in as well as contests to challenge you. each contest has a theme, or a set of words to choose from or an image to inspire. that sort of thing. that was why i wrote that autumn poem, i picked the words to use and they are the title and wrote around them. it was a challenge to write about something specific, not just to sit down and free write. which is what i usually do. so i think i'll enter more contests. they award points or some such thing, i don't know what the points are good for, but like i said, it is the challenge, not the competition.

same with the poetry slams. i prefer the open mic to the competition. there is still the challenge of performing, without pitting oneself against others.
2013, cyd, new

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