August 12th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

"Hoveround takes me where i want to go . . . "

stupid song from the stupid advert going through my stupid head. figured i'd infect you with it, too.

doc left angry. earlier in the day he prompted me to take a seroquel so i could get some sleep. then he didn't set the alarm. then i didn't get up in time to get him up. he was late leavinke much money savings will tg for work. he kicked the couch (yes, again) to wake me up. and then scolded me, i don't remember what he said, i was still asleep. something about waiting too long to take the seroquel, bitch bitch bitch. then he left without saying good bye. prick. tomorrow night i'm waking him up by kicking the bed. i'm tired of his rudeness.

news time. time to listen to music for a while. i'm not in the mood for Mika and Joe this morning. and i haven't listened to music since i added 85 new songs to the play list. 33 hours of music. more than i will ever be able to listen to in one sitting. doc's headphones suck. just thought i'd add that.

oooh, i forgot doc's birthday again. oh well. he doesn't celebrate it. he just gets resentful when someone tries to celebrate his birthday. he got two cards in the mail, which he didn't open. i'm just so sick of his attitude. it will pass by morning.

i think i'm going to find some more bukowski poetry online and then go on a writing binge. i'm in that kind of mood. i just need some inspiration first.

we have to pay for my meds this month. i am not looking forward to that. $311. that's for three months worth, but it hurts. it means i can't pay my own rent this month and doc will have to cover it. i also can't buy any groceries or pay any bills but my web server. i need to curb my crazy and help doc get a room mate in here.

"let me go down in the mud where the rivers all run dry"

i'm digging this play list now. i have created the perfect (for me) radio station. no commercials, variety of music. i need to add some Harry Connick Jr. and Doris Day and Tony Bennett. i've got all the contemporary stuff here, time to find the older stuff to mix into it. i've got some Ella Fitzgerald on here. and both versions of "Wuthering Heights", Pat Benatar's and Kate Bush's. i think i have three versions of "This Wheel's on Fire", because i really like that song and it seems like everyone covers it. right now, my favorite version is Golden Earring's, but i think that's because it's the last one i discovered.

"i eat antipasta twice just because she is so nice. . ."

the Breed Request Report of lost cats is in my mail box. every day i open it and hope i see jack there. but all the cats they pick up are in the north of the city and we're in the south east. there are more suburbs here so there are more feral communities where local vets have done a catch and release thing with them, fixing them and then setting them free again. one woman has a whole house dedicated to feral cats on her property. and a vet lives next door to her and does the surgery.

i've come to the realization that doc isn't going to get out of this funk he's in until we get jack back, and i don't know that is ever going to happen.

so i've found two places on the strip where i want to eat. and both are at Caesar's Palace. one is the Gordon Ramsey Pub and the other is the Baccaus Buffet. this will take much money saving. i figure around xmas. or maybe when kelli comes to visit, she and i can go and doc won't have to be bothered with it.

"love, love will tear us apart again . . ."

we've been trying to teach chewyy "get down" because he spends way too much time on the couch attached to me. and i get weird with things touching me. he can sit on the couch with me, just not attached at the hip. so we're trying to teach him to get off the couch on command. it's not going very well. it isn't that he isn't clever enough, he's just too stubborn. we're having the same problem with "be cool" which means lay down. he won't do it until we get stern, then he foomps and goes boneless. i think his previous owner was an old lady who let him do whatever he wanted. we'll get him trained.

"i don't want to start any blasphemous rumors but i think that god's got a sick sense of humor . . ."

time to end this and meditate with some music. i haven't meditated for a few days. and i'm feeling the effects of it. i figured out what one of my problems was, i had stopped sitting in the sun for 15 minutes every day. i'm doing it again and i feel great. it's like i can feel my battery recharge. which is similar to how i feel when i meditate.
2013, cyd, new

i got my head shrunk

i got some more sleep. i think i'm caught up now. i have work to do on the computer today that i have been putting off. camera archives to go through, poetry to input. three books to reformat.

once again, "Stop Poking Me Lady" is going out of print. it's some of my best poetry. is the link to my page on, where you can buy it.

i saved a baby pigeon from the Trinity this morning. they have a crow now, that i can't get a hold of to save. once it plays dead, they will lose interest. and there was half a dead lizard on the porch this morning. joy and magic.

i have to call the doctor's office today and find out if i have an appointment coming up. i can't find an appointment card, and i can't remember if i made an appointment.

it's hot in here. i'm going to lower the thermostat until doc gets home. there, set to 80 now. it was on 82.

i am still mad at doc for last night. i thought it would fade by now. maybe it will by the time he gets home. i hate to be mad when he gets home. it's bad enough he's coming home from a full night's work, but to have to deal with my attitude isn't at all fair to him.

maybe i'll clean out the junk drawer box from the apartment. i can do that after i vacuum and empty and refill the dishwasher. i can just imagine doc's face when he gets home and i'm in the middle of the kitchen floor surrounded by te sorted contents of the junk drawer. that seems worth it.

he trimmed the cypress trees yesterday, thy look really good. they were looking funky. no more, now they stand up straight and true. no floppy branches hanging off looking scary. they looked like they had tentacles. it was frightening at night. and i'm not one to be frightened out back. not with the locks and the rocks and the lights.

i'm trying to decide what movie to watch after i do my chores. i've downloaded most of my favorites.

do you know, i have the sudden urge to work out. where the fuck is that coming from?

i have a toothache. i have a tooth with a big hole in it and it's hurting badly. we can't afford for me to go to the dentist right now, either. this sucks. everything costs money. we didn't go to first friday this month because we didn't have the money for gas or the bus. we should have taken the scooter.

doc wants me to go back to poetry slams. he wants me to get excited about my poetry again. kind of hard when everyone else is ignoring it. i got one piece of feedback from my work, from ionracas, and i keep it in my inbox and look at it almost daily. i still don't know how to answer it, but it means worlds to me.

it is discouraging being a poet. poetry is so out of fashion. i'm 50 years too late. i was born at the end of the era i fit into.