July 11th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

numb

the apologies weren't
the same old thing
i didn't know what to say
i'm numb
i don't know how to feel
a lot has happened
this past month
and i won't let myself
feel any of it
when i did,
i burned myself
with a cigarette
to stop the feelings
i'm stoned
or i'm asleep
i'm numb
and i'll stay that way
just as long as i can
2013, cyd, new

chewy and evie, sittin' in a tree . . .

doc got me latex free tape for my arm and it itches so much less now. the cigarette burn is bad. the eraser burn isn't so bad at all, in fact most of the scab washed off today, leaving healed skin. the burn will take much longer to heal. i put two cigarettes out in the same place. so it's kind of deep. and it wants to be infected. i've been washing it with biactin and putting triple antibiotic ointment on it. hy do i o thi to myself? like i don't have enough scars?

and the old ones are white against my tan skin, while the newer ones are purple. and the middle ones are peeling. i don't scar well.

chewy and evie have become bestest buddies. cuddling and nurfling and licking takes place. it's gross. no. it's actually very cool.

i took chewy to the dog park today and he met a german shepard puppy. he loves dogs. and he loves cats. he just loves.

doc said he never would have taken chewy back to the shelter. he was just trying to hurt me. he says he can't believe he said that. i'm just glad it didn't happen. chewy slept at my back and sucked on my hair last night while we went to sleep. i fell asleep with him doing it.

then he follows me around all day. he has got to learn some control with that because there has to be cat time with no doggy. i went into the bedroom where simon hangs out and spent a half an hour with him, talking to him and petting him. he slept in the bed with chewy and i the other night, maybe he'll do it again tonight. he's the only one who has a problem with chewy still.

little girl pretends not to like chewy, but she makes him chase her and teases him mercilessly. they stand opposite each other, posturing, him barking at her, her hissing at him (which is how we know she's playing, when she's really pissed off, she growls). then one runs after the other. she thought she was being clever the other day and ran behind the couch. she didn't realize he's small enough to do the same thing, so he ran around the other side and met her in the middle. i've never seen a cat back up so quickly as she did.

so look forward to a picture of evie and chewy cuddling, because it will happen eventually. and i'm going to try to get video of him playing with the cats. if i can wake him up long enough.
2013, cyd, new

about the cam

the monitor died on the computer with the main cam. so it will be down for a few days. as i spend time on the laptop, i'll turn it on periodically on here. though that's just watching me stare at twitter. too exciting. at least with the other one, you can watch the cats and dog.