June 12th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

Mythology was Fun Before Jesus #atheism #poem

i'm mad at jesus christ
i'm shudderingly hateful of christianity
and its dark ages
and its abuses
and its crusades
and its superstition
i will not accept a god as sloppy as the christian one
he makes no sense
their devil makes no sense
because he is not a balance
there is no balance in christianity
there is only laying yourself at the foot of anyone who claims to be closer to god than you are
mythology was fun before jesus came in making noise
good things happened
bad things happened
and everyone lived
then this itinerant jew comes along
and decides to shake things up
and the world is never the same again
science is arrested by this ideology
logic and reason are tied to a stone and thrown in a lake
and compassion left on an afternoon train back when
there were still train robberies
2013, cyd, new

i feel like i'm doing something wrong

computer1 is frustrating me. last night it wouldn't upload a coherent web cam image, today every program i open crashes. yes. i can't wait to get the laptop back.

and on that, SuperTechie is coming to my rescue again and trying to find me the disk i need. without charging me 20 bucks for it. i can download the files i need, i just can't burn them onto CD. my burner on this machine is questionable and i don't have any CDs right now. i used them all. heh. and i was just thinking to myself, "i'm glad i backed up the laptop, but what could happen to it?"

here's the part where i tell you i think i got hacked. i think i let in some malware when i was watching lesbian porn and something happened. i've gone around and changed all my passwords. just in case. never know. that is the last time i watch lesbian porn on the net. i tell you what.

i published my second full length book of poetry yesterday people! how about some kudos? i'm not asking you to buy it. just, you know, acknowledge that i'm working over here. i'm kidding. i don't think i could be prouder of myself. yes i could, when i get a copy of it. it's the only book i don't have a copy of. well, it's only been out a day. so of course i don't have a copy. but once i get one, i'll be beaming. i checked and rechecked the formatting and spelling. hard to do with the spelling because everything but the titles is lower case. then the decision whether to bold the titles or not. i finally didn't. i didn't organize them alphabetically or include a table of contents this time, either. a waste of time. it's better that the reader peruse.

my next step is to get ISBN numbers and get the books on amazon.com. not the chapbooks, just Go Ahead, Eat the Daisies and Stop Poking Me Lady. then i'll really go off. i don't think i'll sell any more, but i wanna see my name at amazon.

why does everything cost money? i publish for free because i don't have the money to put out for publishing. and i don't have hope of selling enough to justify a kickstarter campaign. but then to get the book "official" you have to go through expense. i'll fill out paperwork until my eyes bleed, but money is a precious commodity right now. my meds and syzane really put us treading water. and it seems like everything i do or want to do requires money.

like tonight is the slam. i want to go. i want to judge. but we just don't have the bus fare.

enough complaining. i need to take the laundry in and take a shower. i have no chores to do today, and no real work to do on the computer. i'm kind of taking a break from twitter.

i cleaned my room when i got up. it was funny. i got up at three, after going to bed at 1:40 and made my bed. came out and smoked a couple of cigarettes and drank a cup of coffee and went back to bed. simon hadn't even moved. i lay back down and he snuggled into my stomach and we went back to sleep. when i went to bed last night, Major was at my back. i guess he got bored and simon moved in. i think a cat fight would have woken me up.

oh this machine is frustrating me. i can't right click. now i can't connect to the internet. what the fuck. the chillcam software crashing before i could work out the problem really pisses me off. i was really looking forward to having the cam up and playing with it with the cats. i'm not ready to give up. i have three versions, i will get one of them to work. i've been trying to get a hold of the designers, it has changed hands, to get my serial number. the guy who designed it used to keep track of that. i've no idea if the new owners do. but i can't get in touch with them and none of the links on the site works. i've tried other webcam FTP software and i don't like any of it.

the coolest thing about this machine is the speakers. i could hook them up to the laptop, but i don't. i have so much shite hooked up to the laptop as it is. well, not right now. right now it's sitting disconnected, alone. in the corner, thinking about what it's done.

i have both cameras out and ready to go and the cats are all hiding except lelu. who is around because i am wearing black. when i wear white, she avoids me. she is the white cat, in case you are following along at home.

okay, laundry taken down. doc is taking it to a laundrette to run it through the dryer to soften it and get the cat fur off. so i didn't have to fold it. part of me wants to go take a shower now, part of me wants to wait until this play list is over with. it's only an hour long and it's about halfway through now. i think i'll get ready for my shower while it plays . . .

that's done. and the handwash in the tub is done and hung. wow. doc is off work by now. he'll be home in 30 minutes.
2013, cyd, new

the wind is blowing, i think i'll write a poem

My Reality of Cattle

the reality is
the tree is wearing
a hole in the roof
the thing i hear is
cattle on the roof
every time the
wind blows
milling about
falling off
the roof
he says the branch
needs to be
so there's no damage
but then the cattle
will go away
and i will be alone again