June 7th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

"everything counts in large amounts"

i'm feeling the glow. i have been without a lover for a really long time. i have to take my shoes off to count how many years. and to be honest, i haven't been that interested in sex. even though i was with my last girlfriend for almost 2 years, we never had sex. i don't wonder why she left. or why she slept with doc. it happens. all my girlfriends do for some reason. i don't by any means require it, nor do i get weird afterward. it just happens.

the next girlfriend i have i am going to fuck the shit out of every chance i get. maybe it's the final med combination. i'm interested in sex again. i have some pride in myself again, so that matters, too.

it's been almost a year since i masturbated last. i really need to not wait so long. jesus knows i'm alone enough.

why am i craving Depeche Mode? it just came to mind and now i'm listening to all of it on my play list. strange.

i fucking slept through Burn Notice. heheheheh. now i'm downloading it. i'm not at all tired, so i'll watch that. i don't feel like sleeping tonight. something about thursdays makes me not want to sleep. something about masturbating to lesbian porn makes me want to scream Hole songs all night long. okay, screamed Doll Parts, feel better now. the cats are scared. Major ran. i don't think he likes courtney, or my voice, hard to know.

Burn Notice is ready. time to watch.

have a great night/morning
2013, cyd, new

another new poem

island

the pre-dawn breeze
blows my hair
into my face
stinging my eyes
and sticking to
my lips
the cats are
all inside
sitting
staring
waiting
for me to come in
and i notice
that my
cigarette has
gone out
while i stare
and pull the hair
out of my eyes
one horizon glows
with the coming
sunrise
the other with
the lights from
the city
i sit in a
valley of darkness
where the stars
are visible
and the rising
moon
lights up the yard
it's quiet now
no a/c's running
no jets landing
no helicopter parade
flying overhead
just the sound
of the breeze in
the palms
which makes me
think of a
tropical island
i am on an island
of my own making
and i like
it here.
2013, cyd, new

it fukken sucks sometimes

okay, so we're NOT going to First Friday tonight. i've only been asking and reminding for a month. no problem. fuckface. i wasn't looking forward to it or anything. and i can't go to the Battle Born slam tomorrow because we have to be here to deal with B moving his bikes over. okay, fine. what i want is completely meaningless. whatever.

now i'm in a bad mood and i have no intention of trying to improve it. i'm mad. i'm tired of not mattering.