May 21st, 2013

2013, cyd, new

enough already

i just screamed at doc and Red. they were fighting again and i just couldn't take it. it's what has been giving me the stress headaches. so i opened the door (dc was in the entry hall, Red was out front) and i screamed at them to fucking stop fighting, that i couldn't take another fucking headache today. now i'm hiding from them both behind my headphones.

actually, doc went out to get the truck insured. then we're going out for ice cream. i didn't want cake for my birthday. just an ice cream cone from baskin robbins.

now i'm going to go out and smoke a ciggy before i make another video. yes, i made a video today. i have no excuse not to, i spent my whole night organizing and transferring and putting all my file ducks in a row. now it's just a matter of the creative process. and i work best when i'm angry, so i expect today to be a very productive day.
2013, cyd, new

"force is machine. join in the chant"

the great mouse hunt went on tonight. i saw felix outside chasing something and then saw the mouse about the same time vader and howler saw it. we all went out to see what felix was up to. the mouse hid in the coils of the hose. after a while, i got tired of them biting and scratching at the hose and lifted the coils up and the mouse took off. at this point, milo joined in the fun and chased the mouse back to the cats. this went on for while, with the mouse getting away from the gang of cats and being herded back by the big white wookie.

the mouse got away in the end. i figured with all three stooges chasing it and getting in each other's way, they wouldn't catch it. milo getting involved was just a bonus. if had been light out, i would have videoed it.

" . . . the girl from impanema goes walking . . ."

it's almost time to get doc up for the night. we had fun going out for ice cream. i had chocolate and peanut butter in a waffle cone. he had pistachio. then we walked over to the store and got cola and coffee.

we got home and had a misunderstanding and i went to bed for three hours. when i got up, he was still awake. so we talked and made up and then he went to bed. i did some more organizing and deleting and moving and condensing on the laptop/hard drive. i've got all my cam pictures that i've saved in one place now, to make it easier to surf for video fodder.

and i made a video today. "From the Vicious to the Rotten". i now there were some that were awaiting that, to see what i would put with it. no sleeping pics this time. on the phone pics. it's funny, the pictures are kind of dated because the cordless phone i'm holding is, A - a land line and B - huge. the pics were taken in a purple/lavendar duotone filter, and youtube offered to fix the color for me. heh.

did you catch today's picture? i don't think i could be healthy and well rested and look worse, and the face i'm making is just weird. i posted it anyway. i just can't help keeping a visual record of myself. i think it's because my mom kept all the pics from my childhood and won't give them to me. so i have all these missing years, that i know they documented because they always had a still or movie camera in my face when i was a kid. i was the first daughter, first grand daughter, i was special.

now i know if i had those photos, i could put a lot of pieces together about some stuff. rarr. the woman frustrates me. and then she tells me happy birthday on my facebook wall . . . a holiday she's blown off for decades. fucking weirdo. i swear i know i'm becoming like her and i will lobotomize myself before i become her. she's a huge reason i didn't have kids. i knew i was too much like her. and i didn't want to fuck up a life.

i think i'll make myself a necklace tomorrow. i haven't had a new necklace in a long time. what kind do i want? a choker? no, not during summer. maybe something to mid cleavage. or a bit shorter. so i can wear a tank top without losing it between my tits. i have these polished opaque glass chips, mainly in blues and whites and yellows. or some moonstones. maybe moonstones with silver charms. that would be unusual. most people don't ornament moonstone, it is so brilliant on its own. i have a moonstone ring. and just with the simple silver band, it's amazing looking.

this is random, but you know what i want? an opal. an australian opal. my mom had one my nan brought back from a trip. nan loves australia, but i don't think she's ever been back. anyway, she brought my mom a mess of opals. and i'm tired of waiting for the woman to die to get my mitts on one. so i'm going on an opal hunt. i'll do some googling tonight and see how expensive they are. i don't want it in jewelry, i just want a loose one to hold and stare into.

i also want an abalone shell. my grand uncle used to go abalone hunting in the ocean and i had a ton of them when i was a kid. we never thought to keep any of them. and they were big and brilliant. they were like soup bowls. with dreams and hallucinations of the most joyous kind in the bottoms.

yeah. so that's it's for random thoughts. i'm going to go finish listening to nitzer ebb and then brush my teeth and get doc up. i don't know what any of those things have to do with each other, but those are the plans for the next 45 minutes.