January 6th, 2013

2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

he uses my laptop. ALL. THE. TIME. i'm so sick of it. i set up two computers and cleaned them off just for him and i am sitting here using them instead of him. and he's comfy on the couch all curled up. fucker. he wonders why i sleep all the time. because you have my fucking laptop and i have nothing to do. duh. why are you so incredibly stupid and what am i doing with you?

all I do is look at twitter anyay

today we got in an argument about him taking care of me. which is a joke. he gets groceries and pays my bills and tells me how much to smoke and when to eat. which i don't do. he is so obtuse. he's so obtuse i had to stop and let him google "obtuse" during the argument. because i am a cunt and i won't define the words i use. which makes him think i made them up. so i make him google them. i hate the way he accuses me of all this shit all the time for no reason. so he tells me what to do. so i make it impossible to follow along for fun.

he finds me drugged on the floor bleeding and doesn't take me to the hospital. he washes me with ice cold water, yeah, he cares. it must hurt him to care so much. oh now he cares because i had a coughing fit and interrupted his stupid show he's watching. i think he's watching Lost now. which puts him in a bad mood and then he wants to explain it all to me and that puts me in a bad mood. i wish that show had never been made. what a waste of 120 episodes. time i will never get back. it let me know never to watch a JJ Abrahms production again willingly.

oh time to turn off the outside lights and open the blinds. my favorite part of the day. and the up side to sitting here at this computer is that i have an excellent view of where the sun comes up. and since the big tree is bare, the sunrise is big. there are still houses blocking it, but the tree being bare makes a huge difference.

i don't know if i mentioned it, the last few days are a blur. the last ten years is a blur. anyway. i'm sick again. i never leave the house or am exposed to others and yet i keep getting sick. and my ribs are cracked, so coughing is an adventure in white hot pain. doc has the compassion of a cluster bomb. so i've been passed out on cough and cold medication. the kind that's supposed to knock you out until you're better. it did put me to sleep sitting up in the living room on the floor in front of the couch. its not like there is a big difference as far as he can tell.

i want my laptop back. i want him to quit using it. i went through a LOT of trouble to set these computers up for him and clean them off.
so i ignore him when he asks f i want it back.

i want a cigarette, but i can't stop coughing long enough to get one in.
2013, cyd, new


i haven't gotten any sleep. unless you count the ten minutes here and there throughout the day. i plan to go to bed once doc is up and ready to go to work and i won't disturb him with the coughing. i may sleep sitting up. the problems come when i lay down, that's when the coughing starts and it's a totally dry cough. i've had this problem to an extent for the past month or so, it's just now gotten so bad i can't get any sleep.

the ER nurse said i sprained but did not crack a rib. i have a brace on it now. it's a glorified back brace, but it's doing the trick and keeping everything still and compressed.

my face is looking better. i no longer look battered. my elbow is almost back to full strength. now it's the left side. so i really can't win. i will be healed in a couple of weeks and a couple more days of this cough and i'm going to the doctor. get a chest x-ray and see what it is i'm trying so hard to cough up. it's like i have a rat stuck in my throat.

almost time for ambien and valium. and a swig of cough and cold medication. i'm so tired. i will definitely be able to sleep comfortably amidst all my stuffed animals. sitting up won't seem so bad.