November 10th, 2012

2013, cyd, new

ramble more, cyd

i'm not in a rage today. i'm still mad, but i've run out of steam.

i'm giving up on talking to him again. just because i look back at the times i've done it before with joi. it's so much simpler when all i have is pertinent information, such as, "we need toilet paper", and avoid the fluffy stuff like, 'how are you feelling today?". or anything further than that. if i have no reaction to anything he says or anything to say to anything he says, things are much smoother.

i'm done with complaining about it, though. there are people without power for 13 days in the freezing cold and i'm doing pretty fucking good.

i will still bitch about the weather. didn't i say we'd pay for this nice summer? it's 43 degrees and its only going up to 56 tomorrow. and let me remind you, i live in las vegas. can you imagine the poor tourists? stuck out in their tshirts and shorts and flip flops . . . serves them right for dressing like shit on their holiday here, but still. it must be miserable. did i just say "poor tourists"? heh. like most, i have mixed feelings on tourists. we need them to survive here. but it's like all the water runs down the drain to disneyland and we get what's left in the drain.

that was a horrible analogy. at least there are places here that are child free. you can always go into the bellagio to get away from kids, they don't allow them. i'm sure they do to guests, but you can't just wander in off the strip with a passel of youngin's and set them free. people do that. they go onto the casino floor, where kids aren't allowed and just let their kids run around. i'm surprised there aren't more kidnappings here, but people tend to breed young here, so there's already a surplus of kids. the snotlings roaming the casinos aren't very appealing, anyway.

i guess i am in a mood. good thing no one pays any attention to me except you guys. i say some pretty shitty things. maybe i should just be that way. just let the anger out like i used to. instead of taking it out on doc. i was pretty cuntish to the idiot who tweeted me yesterday. i think i'm ready to take on a troll. i used to let it all out because i was young and a punk and that was appropriate. but . . .

somewhere i woke up in the suburbs where people think my black flag shirt is a micro brewery logo. at some point i came to and i was older and supposed to have mellowed. and i have a husband and a house and house cats and i take them to the vet and i go out into the sun dappled day and get the mail and i vacuum and watch the news 24/7. ACK.

i mean these are all good things. but i have emotions that are not appropriate. i'm not appropriate. i don't fit here. but maybe i can make my surroundings fit me. and maybe that's why i'm mad at doc. i feel like he's putting me into a place where i have to take on a role. and he's really not. he's just trying to make me more comfortable.

that's it. tomorrow is saturday. he's off for the weekend. i have a couple of extra dollars left this month, not enough to give to the red cross, but enough to buy some penny nails and put the art up. i have an eclectic art collection, to say the least. my only sculptures are my gargolyes, which are still packed in a box. there is collage art by me. a couple of paintings by me, many paintings of kelli's (i can't get enough of her art), and some trash picked finds. oh, and the Picasso. Woman Seated? i have it on my pintrest page somewhere. it's a gallery poster in a brushed steel frame with glass. and it is the centerpiece. and no other art i have goes with it. and the colors reflect nothing i own. but it was a gift, and i do adore picasso. i think i also have a poster of the scream somewhere.

then there's the stuff that goes in my room. yeah. it's time to put it all up. penny nails. it will take the sterile bits away and make this place my own. it's kind of like my mom and the china. she would always unpack the china last when we moved (which was often), just to make sure we were staying. when i move in somewhere, the art is always the last thing i do. i have other stuff to do. i still haven't unpacked. the garage is full of boxes, and the kitchen is totally doc's domain and still has boxes in it. but if i put the art up, maybe it will feel more like MY home and i will be able to unpack. though i do agree with kelli, if we haven't needed it yet, we probably don't need it at all.