October 22nd, 2012

2013, cyd, new

more issues than a news stand

yesterday was a bad bad day. the whole thing is so trivial, i won't go into it, but doc and i are damaged now. again. i'm just going to let the whole thing blow over. i'll do the dishes and clean the house today. if for no other reason, to keep me sane. the mess is driving me batty.

today is a much better day, i took my meds early and i'm feeling pretty good. plus, i had coffee today, and i didn't yesterday. that was part of what made it such a bad day. i was up from 4 with no coffee. not a happy cydniey. plus, i take it personally he i get up to get doc up and make im coffee or tea and take it to him and he doesn't get up. i take the whole thing as a personal rejection. the king of compassion said, "i can't be responsible for the way you perceive things". nice. true, but he could try. like once, just once, get the fuck out of bed and be grateful.

he told me a few times i was being passive aggressive. i think he needs to look that up. he hasn't seen passive aggressive from me yet. i don't want to get there. i learned from the best. my mom is the reigning queen of passive aggressive. she taught me well. but i'm trying to blow it all off. when i was madder than hell at him yesterday, i went into my room and lay down to get away from him. that killed several hours but taught me that i need books or music or a tv or computer in there.

i still need a PC power cord and a mouse. then i can hook up the third computer and i will have my franken network, heh heh heh. between the three i have, and the two i can get working, i need to do a lot of backing up. but i have a USB DVD burner and a stack of blank DVDs. it's just getting them up working. someone has to have this stuff laying around taking up space. between the three of them i will get them communicating and some USB ports to work. then i can back up my data and never get into this mess again. i've been in it too many times and simply lost the data. and i've never learned. i learned this time because i need absolutely everything i can't get to.

and one computer has photoshop and dreamweaver on it and i'm not willing to lose those. someone lost my disk with them on it. so i'm kind of screwed without that computer. the other computer has some older data, but i think it's redundant, i just want to use it as a slave machine. do the bidding of the other. then both can be wiped and when i find my windows XP disk, i can reinstall. i'll lost photoshop and dreamweaver and i don't know what i'll do then. i'll also lose microsoft office. these are programs i can't get back. i will be sad.
2013, cyd, new

apology number one: a poem

it's not you it's me
i take everything
as a personal slight
and it hurts and it
makes me angry and it
makes me lash out
and i'm sorry
you know how it is
and if you don't
i'm sorry i taught you
i tried to be on my
best behavior for you
and i tried to hold it
together for you
i wanted to impress you
i wanted you to fall in
love with me like you
never did before
i'm sorry i hurt you
and i'm really sorry
i chased you away
but i'm glad you left
it took you coming back
for me to get over you
and you never knew i
was under you.
2013, cyd, new

My tweets

2013, cyd, new

on nothing at all: lj entry

doc's up and i'm actually awake. i slept for a couple of hours this morning after getting up at 4. i'll sleep once he leaves.

it's another beautiful day. i love fall here. the leaves may not turn, but the temps are amazing. it's supposed to be 76 today. and there is a wind blowing through the palms, making a tropical atmosphere.

now doc's allergies have made me shut all the windows. harrumph. he'll be gone in an hour, i can open them back up and go to sleep. even though we don't smoke in the house, it's nice to air it out. doc's cooking odors are noxious. neither of us have gotten the hang of the gas stove yet, so we keep burning things.

freddie is rolling around on the floor, chewing on her tail and back paws. rubbing her nose against the laptop cords. i know there's no catnip on the floor, so i don't know what her deal is. silly kitty. i'll get her on video doing this shit, one day.