October 19th, 2012

2013, cyd, new

My tweets

2013, cyd, new

on nothing but with poem

i don't feel good. i forgot to take my xanax. i'll be fine by the time i'm done writing this.

doc is in a bad place, which puts me in last place. it gives me a glimpse into what i'm like when i'm in a bad place. i keep wanting to make it better, and i know i can't. he's got to work things out himself. in the meantime it makes me sad.

no cats did anything out of the ordinary today. they were all well behaved, in fact. felix stayed close to home, jack didn't get into anything or knock anything over.

i did find a new long stem rose on the bush outside. it's gorgeous. i'll take a picture of it tomorrow when the sun is shining on it. the smaller rose bushes have come back to life and are covered with greenery. one has a small hot pink bloom on it. so mini pink and yellow roses and normal sized red ones. not bad for fall.

someone nearby is burning a fire in their fireplace. it smells so good.

i sit outside sometimes and stare at the ground covered with brown pine needles and pine cones and think of camping when i was a kid. i no longer feel like i'm at the shore house, i feel like i live in the woods. with all the birds and the huge trees and shade and dappled sunlight. i love sitting on the patio and just staring out at the back yard.

doc
you ignore me
deep in your head
i can't reach you
not even with this pole
pole made of love
and compassion
and concern
but you shut me out
and it makes me cry
and then deny it
i just want to take
all your pain away
pet your forehead
and make it all better
but i can't get near you
you may push me away
and i couldn't take that
i so want to reach out to you
but to have my hand
slapped away would kill me
i'm trying to be tough for you
and i'm failing, i know
and i wish you'd see me try
i wish you'd see me
through your pain
i wish you could talk to me
and tell me your pain
so we could watch it float away
like so much incense
or a errant candle flame
please let me touch you
emotionally if that is all you can take
or physically, if that's what you need
sometimes closeness works
just to feel loved
will you let me let you feel loved?
my kind and gentle doc
i love you so much and it
hurts so bad to see you in pain
you're such a strong man