September 2nd, 2012

2013, cyd, new

shh, there's a wound trying to heal

i have GOT to stop thinking about my family. they've been on my mind this week because of the 23rd birthday of my birth son. but the whole thing led to a stress dream this morning that woke me up screaming. and i haven't done that in a long while.

i can't believe mike stole my ambien. i can't wait until next week when i get to order more. then maybe i can get some damn uninterrupted sleep. i keep waking up every hour or forty minutes and craving a smoke. so i go out and have a cigarette and go back to bed. sleep for forty minutes and so it goes. i slept through Dr. Who tonight. and doc won't tell me anything about it because he doesn't want to ruin it, but i don't know when it will be rerun.

i've been tweeting a lot. it is getting easier to sum up my thoughts in short sentences. i'm following a lot of people and i love reading it, but the people following me are mostly stores and companies and deadbeat accounts. i've started getting more feedback from them being posted on facebook at the same time. who would have thought i would have come up with a use for facebook.
2013, cyd, new

not about the weather

i watched the moon set this morning. it was such a bright morning i couldn't get a picture of it, but it was fabulous. i've spent more time on the porch in the last two days than i have in the house. the humidity has been down and the temp hasn't been oppressive, only about 101. last night it was even chilly, i have all the windows open because even though the sun is up now, it's still cool outside.

so i thought about it really hard and finally came up with why i can't unpack and put this place together. i feel like we're at the shore house. like this isn't our place and we're going to have to leave it soon. it's too big and too nice. so it's seemed inappropriate to make it "mine". so today's goal is to start building my tent and empty out the bags of stuffed animals on the bed. put the lights up on the curio cabinet and put the mirror on the dresser. that will start the process. then i can finish unpacking the kitchen. i know where most of the stuff is, it's just a matter of getting it out of the garage.

i think i'll also help doc with his room today. he's been meant to move from the small room to the master bedroom for weeks now, since mike left. and it just hasn't happened.

he did the yard work yesterday. we have no plans for tomorrow. so we can spend two days getting shit together and into the house and out of the garage. i want to put shelves up in the garage, so i can put my craft stuff up there. that way it isn't in the house, but it's accessible in case i feel inspired. though, to be honest, the inspiration i feel coming on is for writing.

i can feel leaks starting in the dam that is holding me back. soon the words will come. it has to be a priority that i read my books and listen to my mp3s and get reacquainted with y work. i have to know what i've lost before i can try to get it back.
2013, cyd, new

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