August 8th, 2012

2013, cyd, new

i think i am losing it

last night i thought i saw a jet crashing. no jet crashed. thank the goddess, right.

when i first started my twitter account, someone took over it and added all manner of people and posted spam for a day, no big deal. i changed my passwords, it hasn't happened again, but i think of it often.

today i go to a site to use it and when i register, i discover i am already registered and have, in fact, used the site. to save something that is related to something only known to doc and i as an interest to me. i don't remember ever using this site before, and in fact, have had some sort of strange bias against using it until today. so i don't think i set up the account. i've changed my passwords again.

it isn't that it's embarrassing or anything. it's just that nobody knows about it. not even kelli. it was a private moment between doc and i at the shore that is really trivial at the time, but seems bigger when something weird happens around it.

and who the hell figures out my passwords? both were completely different, and absolutely outlandish and gibberish just for me to remember them. (for some reason i remember some complicated stuff better than the simple stuff.) doc sometimes sets up accounts in my name, but we have special passwords for that. this didn't use them.

see? i'm losing my mind. i had to have done these things, right? i don't understand. really, i don't. i wouldn't use my twitter account to spam people, i hate spam, i've quit jobs rather than spam. but who the fuck would?

anyway.

today's goal is to bring in a random box and unpack it. and put away the clothes in my room. okay, two goals.

i took my laptop on the patio yesterday and surfed through my collection of music and refound Pink. i had forgotten all about her music and how much i love it. how does that happen to me?

oh yeah, my other goal is to find some information on ECT and long term future memory problems and cognitive function effects. i'm starting to think i'm brain damaged from the psych drugs and the ECT. i need info.
2013, cyd, new

to seroquel or not to seroquel

i have to face the fact that my anti psychotic meds are not working. and if i am honest with myself, seroquel was the only one that worked. but it made me fat and wrecked my self esteem. and it makes me a zombie. more so than i am just as a regular person. but is it worth it for a reduction in symptoms? will it work a second time or will i just suffer the side effects? i am losing faith in psych meds.