December 12th, 2011

2013, cyd, new

it's dawn again

i'm unclear as to what day it is. hell, i thought it was still november. i do know this day has been long, too long. i took my new med, zyprexa, about a half an hour ago. we'll see if it puts me to sleep.

i took a walk around 3am and had an 'i love it here' moment. i was walking around in the middle of the night in winter with just a sweatshirt and leather as outer wear and i wasn't freezing my ass off. when i got home i thanked doc for bringing me here and in a confused voice he just told me to shut up.

it's grey this morning. i wonder if it's going to rain a bit. a nice cloudy day in which to sleep. i see that as another plus.

i hope this new med works. it's really expensive, doc had a fit. he's created a "go back on seroquel" campaign and i want no part of it. i've been taking seroquel off script that i had laying around for emergencies, like seeing snakes. and it made the snakes go away, but this dreamy feeling i have of having been doped up for weeks (so it feels) is due to seroquel and i don't like it a bit. i'd rather see the snakes than live more of my life in a drugged up fog. to be honest, it was okay when kelli was here and we drank up life, it kept me alert and was easy enough to disguise behind a cocktail and a good story. but just sitting here is no fun at all in this haze.

when i wake up, for i am determined to sleep, when i wake up i'll take kelli's package to the post office, a short walk away. the delivery person was too lazy to bring it to the door and left it at the office. and in the process, failed to notify me the package was here. that pisses me off. we're a UPS kind of household and this was a competing company. if i hadn't randomly tracked it, i wouldn't have known it had been here forever. there was another package up there for doc, his birthday present from august. from his parents. nice.