November 23rd, 2011

2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

doc closed the living room blinds for me. quite a feat, since they're broken. i feel so much better without that damn light glaring in here.

then came the tasking out. leeloo happens to pee in three key spots in the apartment and it is solely up to me to clean up after it, the problem is, i never do a good enough job to satisfy doc. i did it yesterday, and now i have to do it again.

plus we had the ironing discussion today. where i told him i used to have to do my parent's ironing and they complained about it non stop, he dismissed me as he does with any story of my youth, and when it was all over i'm still doing the ironing today. nice to be listened to, or not. he did say he'd do it, but it was hard to hear him from all the way up on the cross. i think he knows i'd rather resent him than have him resent me.

he got me my mac and cheese, the frozen kind, for Thanksgiving dinner. maybe there's some corn up in the cabinet and i can have that with it. yes, there was a can of corn. my favorite dinner. add some fresh radishes dipped in salt and you are talking heaven. it's the meal i used to have at my aunt ruby's house when i went to go visit her. she and i would harvest the radishes from her garden, then she would make this huge pan of mac and cheese and always a dish of corn niblets. we would take a radish from the bowl on the table full of them, dip them in salt, and take a big huge bite. it was wonderful. i don't know if i'd like it today. but as a kid i loved it.

see, not all the stories from my youth are bad. but they're disregarded as fast as the unhappy stories. he frustrates me. but he's my hero today for closing the blinds and getting that damn sun out of my eyes.

he's working tomorrow, so he'll likely bring home many holiday goodies. i look forward to that.
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

okay, sometimes i really hate doc. before he left, he saw fit to lecture me on the pee spots and call me a liar about the emptying of the wet vac reservoir. it always comes down to my being a liar. and i'm sick of it.

then i freaked out because he called me a liar and he told me to be quiet because he wasn't on the same train i was. he can go to hell. then he slammed the door and went off to work. will i still be pissed when he comes home? probably not, i'm so pathetic i'll be craving his company. even though he gets mad at me for talking after he gets home because M is asleep.

i don't want to live this life.
2013, cyd, new

a short day

felix and i curled up on the couch and slept until 6pm. then i did my chores. i'm still mad at doc, but it's fading. by the time he gets home, i won't be mad anymore. i kind of knew that was going to happen. i could easily go back to sleep. i was hung over from my night meds when i got up and i don't seem to have recovered. doc insists i took my meds twice last night, but he's wrong. when he thought he saw me go for the meds the first time, i was getting a pack of cigarettes from near there. again, he won't believe me and it comes down to me being a liar. i really hate him sometimes.

maybe i will still be mad when he gets home. for all the good it will do me.