but it's a dry heat. until you start to sweat.
today i take the buses to my shrink appointment. doc is going with me but says he's going directly to work and i have to get home on my own. joy. that shouldn't be too hard. i guess we're not going to the bank to get my account today. damn it.
we, or i, on the suggestion of kelli, named feral cat fred. it's a good unisex name. and better than my idea of sue. so if it was a boy we could have a boy named sue. but fred it is. it even looks like a fred.
i'm scared to death about the doctor trip today. xanax has not taken the edge off my fear.
i don't have to take the bus today. doc is giving me a ride on the scooter, since he has to work right after. doesn't get me any closer to knowing the bus routes, but i can relax this morning and not worry about being out in the heat for three hours.
woohoo, a scooter ride to the doctor and a cab ride home! a winning transportation day.
my shrink wants me to get a check up and blood work done. he's beginning to wonder if my weight loss and fatigue are physical, not psychological. he gave me a new anti depressant to try after my ob/gyn appointment at the end of the month, provided i get a clean bill of health. i don't care what the cause is, i just want to be normal-er. i don't mind being crazy, but these depression symptoms are killing me. i get suicidal because i can't take it anymore. but really, there's nothing to be depressed about. things are steady here. ups and downs, but not severe ones. nothing to kill myself over. i'm just tired of being tired and unmotivated. i'm tired of getting nagged about it. i can't help it. time to get help for it.
i fainted this morning. it's been a long time since that happened. i fell down and banged my elbow and head up. i don't even remember what happened. i reached up to turn the a/c down and the next thing i know i'm on the floor. a moment later doc comes out of the bedroom and tells me to eat something. so i had a cheeseburger he picked up for me a couple of days ago. i shared it with felix of course. i wonder what caused the faint. i wasn't feeling light headed when i got up from the couch, it was when i lifted my arm to reach the thermostat that i lost consciousness. no more messing with the a/c except very slowly. i don't want that to happen again, there's too much stuff to hit on the way down. including a wood cabinet, which is what i think i banged my elbow on. and i think i bumped my head on the couch. the furniture is very close in here, there's not enough room to fall down anywhere. i fear for drunk people and my furniture when they come in.