March 3rd, 2011

hidey chloe

what a shitty day

chloe just died in my arms. i'm in shock, i can't even cry. we kind of knew it was coming. doc asked me to stay up with her tonight. i'm glad i did, i would have been asleep when she passed. and i want to be able to tell doc it was peaceful. which i will, which is one of those little lies you tell to keep people from hurting. i'm so glad he wasn't here. and that he has the next three days off to grieve. mostly i'm glad he didn't take her to the vet this morning, they just would have given him false hope or a needle and that would have been bad. she lived 15 good, loved years. doc still isn't ready to let her go. i'm glad jack has been showing doc more affection, he can slip into the hole chloe will leave in his heart. i can't believe she's gone. part of me was still hoping she'd snap back, even today when she could barely move . . . we gave her fluids, we force fed her . . . just to give her the edge, in the hope . . . oh god, the princess is dead, gone from us. she's been with me since before i met doc. i helped alicia pick her out and named her. doc and kelli and later me were the only humans she liked. but she's only liked me for the past five years or so, before that she merely tolerated me.

what a shitty day.