February 21st, 2011

frances farmer

(no subject)

i got up right after doc went to bed. bam - panic attack. i'm sitting here, shaking, and trying to calm down. last night i kept thinking he was home and hearing him cough. it started to really bug me. i had to keep getting up and going into the bedroom to make sure he wasn't there.

chloe is better. she's been a holy terror, not eating her right food, going after the other cats' food. we have to stop her and put her in her box until she eats, and she howls the whole time she's in there. we were putting her in the bathroom with the food, but that just seemed cruel to me, so i put up with the meowling and prompt her to eat until she does. then she gets let out of the kennel to roam and sleep. felix is very jealous of the time i spend with chloe. she always seems to be on my lap when he comes up and wants to be there. it was adorable at first, but now he hisses at chloe, and that's just not necessary.

i'm starting to calm down, thanks in part to my day meds. i don't want to feel desperate and scared. i really don't. i don't enjoy it, i don't enjoy any attention i get from it. it just is happening. bah, i explain to doc all the time. i'm sick of explaining.