February 9th, 2011

frances farmer

30 at night, 60 during the day

i feel like crying but i can't. why do i feel like crying? i'm not quite sure. i've only had five hours sleep and i see another endless day stretching out before me. that, apparently, is enough to make me want to cry. but i've got this block. i don't laugh, i don't cry. i get mad. i fly into rages i can barely contain. i get uncontrollably angry whenever doc looks at me sideways now, but i don't cry.

speaking of doc, he's been insanely kind the past two weeks. i almost recognize him.

i'm not having coffee today and letting my med put me to sleep if it wants to. i want to see its effects on me without the stimulant. which, yeah, it's putting me to sleep.