February 2nd, 2011

girl cats

i'm bored

and that's a good sign. not being complacent with just sitting here watching tv hour after hour is a sign of lessening depression. i was bored yesterday and today i'm going stir crazy. my hallucinations have faded, too. the voices are down to a dull buzz. doc taking the pressure off me has really made an improvement in my mental health. now let's see what i do with it, if i can make him proud.

chloe has been out of her kennel all day. she's been asleep on the chair. i figured i'd give up peace of mind to watch her and not let her out of my sight to give her the treat of freedom for the day. she had sub-cue fluids this morning. she deserved a treat. we argued all day yesterday over her wanting dry food and not the food she has. all day long she got up every hour or so and howled at me while i talked to her soothingly. finally in the evening she gave in and started eating her food.

i talked to kelli last night and she is definitely coming out to visit this year. maybe not until fall, but definitely this year some time. i'm so giddy. we've been best friends for nearly 20 years. i miss her so much, all the way back east. she is the greatest friend in the world. she's stood by me through some pretty ugly shit, when everyone else just faded away. seems she's always been the beacon of light in the dark place for me. she's always helped me believe i am not beyond loving, that i'm not too crazy to be cared about.