January 12th, 2011

2013, cyd, new

after the storms

and not the weather. i had a little verbal psychotic episode in verse on here. sorry if i worried anyone. i just broke the other night. i don't know if he noticed or cared. it all happened very quietly inside of me. if he hadn't been home, i would have hurt myself. of course, if he hadn't been home i wouldn't have been in that state to begin with. and after all of that, he left me some chocolates. what the whole fight started with, me eating a chocolate. i just don't get him. i don't know how to behave. i can't say "okay" or "need". ever. "okay" is "just a lie anymore".

i'm so tired.

i'm having a good day. i've had my meds and my coffee and a banana. i feel another cold coming on and don't feel like doing anything today. i'd still be in bed, but i got up at nine thirty when i woke up. i went to bed at 2. i'm just sleepy and snuffly and cough-y. time to stop going to go get the mail in just my tshirt. as much as i would like it to be perpetual summer, it isn't and i need to realize that and act accordingly. like doc says, think before i act.