January 9th, 2011

2013, cyd, new

warm and sunny

i woke up at twelve thirty and, thinking it was monday, lamented missing half of Torchwood. then i realized it was the dreaded sunday and that was enough to start a proper panic attack. it's a little after one now and i'm starting to calm down. finding something familiar on tv to have on in the background helped.

last night was yelling night. i pissed doc off from the time he woke up until i went to bed. i wasn't trying to, i just couldn't do anything right in his eyes. he told me the other night i act like a beaten dog and that's how i feel. except he uses his words instead of physicality. i don't know what to do. i asked him if he had noticed i only speak when spoken to and he said yes, it sucked because i used to have ideas and conversation. we talk now, he just has to initiate it.

i don't know how i can stop it. he says i don't think. i do think, i just don't think like him. no one thinks like him and his thinking is incomprehensible to me. i have no idea how i can keep under his radar. all i want to do is stay out of trouble. i don't think that's too much to ask.