January 2nd, 2011

xmas lights

peaceful but cold

another good day. this year has started out right, i tell you what. tomorrow it's supposed to rain a bit. it should be done by the time doc goes to work.

i'm still taking three xanax a day, maxing out my script. if i don't take one around seven, time stops and my heart goes into overdrive and i sit here and grind my teeth. but tonight i'm going to bed early, since it's sunday. wtf else do i have to do? i cleaned and tidied and took care of stuff all day. there is billy the exterminator and CSI on, which i am flipping between.

i should trim my nails and shave my head and legs and take a shower and i can bet i won't do any of those things.

i left myself two cups of coffee for tomorrow morning. where i will wake up early because i'm going to bed at midnight and i'm not sleeping 12 hours anymore. just 8, so i may get up while doc is still up. if he doesn't bombard me with information, it should be another stress free morning, though a long one. i'll just watch what he's watching until he goes to bed.

he's going to make me take the xmas tree down soon. that will be a sad day. so many rules for me to follow. i can never keep it straight. that makes him mad. all i want to do is stop him getting mad. that's why it stresses me out when he's around, i'm waiting for him to pounce on me for something i've done.

but now he's at work and i can relax until bedtime.