January 1st, 2011

xmas lights

happy new year!

today has started out good. no panic when i woke up. doc was up and made me a pot of coffee. things were good, he went to bed. M is still out since last night. i have a dishwasher to empty before 8 tonight. that's when i'm supposed to wake doc up.

it feels so nice to not be panicking. to be calm and at peace. if a bit manic. i need incense . . . that's better. calm and at peace. that's where i want to be for a while. i think i deserve it. a little time without fear or anxiety or rage or sadness. today is the day to do that. a nice beginning to 2011.

last night we stayed in and watched the fireworks on tv. the show lasted over 8 minutes and was shot of the rooftops of 7 casinos. i've seen it live once and it was pretty cool. i'd rather stay in and watch it, though. i can do without the crowds and the whole leaving the house thing. watching it on tv is just as good because they have balcony bar locations and chopper shots and all manner of views one can't normally get.

i didn't crack open the peach champagne, again. i just didn't feel like getting drunk. i made bacon and doc made chocolate chip banana pancakes and i ate the last of the cinnamon rolls we got from doc's parents.

doc is sick from riding around on the scooter in the cold. i'm getting sick. but it isn't bad. just snuffly, sneezy and cough-y. no big deal. *sniff*

my sleep is back to its dreamless state. i couldn't be more relieved. dreams just haunt and confuse me, i don't want that. deep, dreamless sleep, or at least not waking up between them and remembering parts of them. it takes more than one sleeping pill, but i can have up to three a night.

happy new year to all, i hope you have a great one!