December 30th, 2010

2013, cyd, new

temps in the 30s

i went to bed really late last night, like 5am. then at 11 doc woke me up to explain something about my missing medication, then woke me up a while later to take said medication and take a bite of hamburger. then i went back to sleep until two-ish.

it's 4:40 now and i've had half a cheeseburger, two cups of coffee, a powerade and about a liter of water. i feel like shit. emotionally i feel stable. i'm not rocking back and forth anymore. the voices have dissipated. i'm a bit lonely without the constant chatter. i'm not missing the paranoia, though. that shit sucks. always being afraid is not for me.

i smoke when i'm bored. not necessarily when i want a cigarette. and i'm bored a lot. i chain smoked for four straight hours the other night. i must keep my hands busy in the new year. in the end of this year in fact. still one more day to kill the boredom.

i had a dream about doing spoken word again. maybe one of my podcasts. but i have two excuses not to. first and most importantly i speak with a lisp and i garble some words now that i've lost some teeth. secondly, i don't remember how any of the software works anymore. maybe i should concentrate on writing again.