October 20th, 2010


rainy, 69 degrees

beautiful day out. cloud cover, if we're lucky, some thunder.

woke up at 9 and put doc to bed. went back to bed myself until 10:30. then i got up and came out here and sat down, figured out why my laptop was off, plugged it back in and went to chat for a while. that was unfulfilling but i calmed down or at least gave myself time to just sit here with my heart pounding until the meds hit me and i relaxed. it wasn't a full on panic attack, but it was damned uncomfortable. and it's over now.

ooh, M is on the phone, maybe he will go out today. i don't know why i look so forward to him going out, he never leaves his room. well, except to get water and cook. it isn't that i don't like him, i do. and i want him to keep living with us. i'm just not comfortable until i'm alone. i think that's the one thing i hate the most about the hospital, i am never alone, there are people everywhere.

i did throw up that coffee yesterday. i drank it too fast. i went in, puked until i was empty and came out and finished my last cup of coffee. with no ill effects. i have to drink it slower. and maybe not drink that much.

my tooth has not hurt since the day i went to the dentist. it sucked that day a bit, but the next day i wouldn't have known anything happened. the permanent crown should be pain free.

they finished the huge hoover dam bypass bridge and it was opened last night. i don't know when i'll next be out there, but i really want to see it and drive on it to see the view of the dam from it. i wonder if you can even see the dam from it or if the walls are too high.