September 20th, 2010

2013, cyd, new

winding down

i am just in the last throes of the worst panic attack i've had in a very long time. i wish maintenance would just get here and go.

i'm out of antipsychotics and the symptoms are returning fast. hallucinations of things that just aren't there, flashes of light and dark, auditory hallucinations, the lot. i made doc stay home with me last night and i really should have waited and had him stay home tonight. maybe my meds will come this week. i'm freaking out.

doc needed tending to this morning and it was a good distraction from the panic. he's still up and he should have been asleep two hours ago, almost three. i'll never be able to get him up this afternoon. now he's eating cereal in our room while i watch endless local news. or listen to it, i have yet to actually focus on the tv for any length of time.

my typing is really awful. backspace is my best friend. i'm going to go breathe and try to wait for the xanax to make me feel all better. then i'll eat something. or maybe not, i had KFC with doc last night. that's my calories and fat for the week.