May 25th, 2010

i am here

what's the difference between a duck?

i'm feeling pretty zen right now. part of me wants to lay down, but when i lay down i just want to get up. strange.

this morning i woke up in fear, fear of what? i don't know, but absolutely terrified. it took me a while to relax and calm down. time and a couple of xanax. i wanted to lay down so i took two. now i've had some coffee and i don't know if i'll be able to lay down before it's time to get doc up. i don't have much to do today. i should wet vac but my back hurts and that just aggravates it.

i was supposed to take the bus to the doctor's office today for my dry run, but doc didn't have time to go over the bus schedule with me before he left last night and i didn't get up this morning until after he'd gone to sleep. so i didn't go. i'll try again this afternoon with the bus schedule thing. i have to know what time to catch the bus and when i can expect to catch it back. then i can go and hope that my appointment on june 8th is within the window of bus coming and going.

i have no actual fear of waiting for the bus for a long time if i have to. i'm just afraid of the trip alone and frankly can't see why doc can't come with me. aside from his missing sleep, but he could take an fmla day, sleep when he got home from the appointment and still make it to a half a shift of work. but i'm afraid to even ask him. he'll get so mad. he'll call me a need machine. he'll growl and rumble and even if he gives in, it will be a miserable trip. so i'm not real hip to asking him.

so it's up to me. if he doesn't go over the schedule with me today, i'll just look it up online and try to figure it out for myself.

i've stopped reading facebook. i figure if i can't read my lj friend page, i don't have time for facebook. i go and i play farmville, and i wish i could get more neighbors, but it turns out that not a lot of people are looking for me. i had a hard name to remember and the spelling was rarely gotten right by anyone, so i'm not surprised. i also alienated people and moved around a lot, so again, i'm not surprised.

now for the really cool news: kam316 has got a painting in the Three Rivers Arts Festival in pittsburgh coming up and this is a HUGE deal. i'm so proud of her for putting her work out there and going through the arduous task of applying to the festival. and to be chosen is an honor. the judges are a panel of artists, not just gallery owners or critics, but peers. this is really cool.