May 11th, 2010

purple paper

no really, i'm okay

on the old schedule, doc would be gone by now. now he's asleep. i have less and less to do during the day, except wait for him to wake up and do a handful of housecleaning. in another hour i'll make another pot of coffee and wait to take him a cup at 2:45. he gets up around three and leaves around five. and just like i thought (eventually) i would, i'm adapting and coping with it better and better.

the only problem i've had was last night, when i didn't take a nap and i couldn't stay up past 1am. so i woke up at 8:30 this morning, just as doc was coming to bed. we talked for a couple of minutes and i tried to stay in bed and go back to sleep. but at 9:30 i gave up and got up. that wasn't so bad. without my mind racing, it was easier to lay there and just relax and get ready for my day. not that my day is stressful, it's just that first couple hours in the morning where i need to keep my shit together and then it's over and things run smoothly. of course my meds help. but it's not just that. it's just being able to lay in bed and relax, breathe deeply and empty my mind. my mantra should be "relax".

i love to be able to lean back and just breathe. not to have to rush into anything, or have anything spinning through my mind.

i have pine needles to clean up. and somewhere there is cat vomit that needs to be cleaned up. we put a curtain up over the window so it's really dark in here, i wouldn't have even noticed if i hadn't shut the door when M left. time to tidy things up so doc can make another mess while i sleep. hee.